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Black Jesus

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"Black Jesus" redirects here. For the 44th President of the United States, see President Hussein Obama.
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Black Jesus
contains information regarding a culture
with which you may be unfamiliar.
Black Jesus is the Black Church's version of Jesus. Black Jesus' Teachings is known as Black Liberation Theology.

Black Jesus is fancy.


OriginEdit

Born in 1628 AD, to Viking parents in Norway. Upon realizing he was black they traded him for food and a towel to some Egyptians. He built pyramids at age 13 then defeated Alexander the Great in a mind battle and gave him syphilis with his mind, (he is bisexual but he doesnt get his funk on, except on holidays). At age 24 he went to Israel and said, “where all the white women at.” He healed people and stuff then went in hiding from the Nazis for the next 100 years. Came back with the cover name of Thugnificant. Killed a man then went back into hiding. Is still in hiding to this day. To summon Black Jesus, simply walk into a dark alley in "that neighborhood you try not to drive through", with an offering of a 40 oz. malt liquor and some Popeye's fried chicken and exclaim, "Yo! Black Jesus! I be illin' fo yo religinz fo sho! Come lurn me up some knowledge!" Black Jesus will then come out of the darkness and shoot you with knowledge bullets from his glock.

Super PowersEdit

Meat vision, Acid generation, Extreme cooking, Midget powers, Probability manipulation, Digging, Upside down swimming, Skin color, Duck powers, Tricky, Animal morphing, Sublimation, Drinking, relly fast typing

Famous Good DeedsEdit

  • Saved a baby
  • Took my dog for a walk
  • Started forest fire, then stopped it
  • Gave compliment to white Santa
  • Wears clothes
  • Destroyed nudist colony
  • Smited white person
  • Good whisperer

Factoids Edit

  • Black Malls have Black Santas.
  • Member of the super team

See AlsoEdit

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