Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks was a standup comedian that few people ever knew existed while he was alive in America, making Bill Hicks very much unimportant. Famous for his outspoken vomit propaganda comedy bits on Bush Sr.'s handling of the first Iraq War. He died in the name of truthiness, even if he was a total mushroom addict, which if you remember correctly, is very bad. However, during the 2012 YouTube Video of the Year, he did win an arm-wrestling match against undisputed heavyarmed wrestler, Matt Selou, and claimed the comic with the strongest hand, which is very important after considering how many hours a comic holds a microphone.

Bill Hicks factsEdit

  • Played in mostly bowling alleys, karaoke nights, and sometimes at Adolf's Comedy Bunker
  • Didn't allow cell phones. Didn't own one. Didn't need one.
  • Even though Hicks spent much time talking about sex, he remained a virgin until he was married.
  • Not too fond of ignorant people Real Americans
  • Bill Hicks once passed out on stage from smoking too many cigars from Cuba.
  • According to rumor, Bill Hicks is the father of Mort Sahl, who just turned 83 last week.
  • Became the first human ever to denounce Facebook.
  • TVs still lose their picture, audio, and go into hysterics if even the name Bill Hicks is mentioned.
  • Known for ripping on Rick Astley (performed the first "Rick Roll")
  • Played point guard for the Fort Wayne Pistons in 1946 until he was kicked out for not cleaning up after his cigarette butts that he occasionaly left
  • Very little known in America while alive. Only places like Britain, Canada, USSR, or Fyffe, Alabama seemed to ever know, who he ever was, thus making him unimportant!
  • Was a closeted Debbi Gibson fan. He liked her chord progresions.
  • Bill Hicks is actually alive and spends most of his time reading his wikiality page.


"If you got mushrooms, I got cash!"

  • "Hussian and him were like this (signal tightness), who would of thunk it!"

-Bill Hick during interrogation admitting he slept with the enemy and had no shame.

  • "I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

-Was banned from having thoughts in the US after denouncing Capitalism, or now better known as KKKaptitalism.

- Stephen Colbert acually wears both!

  • People say "Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world". Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first three largest armies, there's a REAL big fucking drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the fifth largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports.

- America will deal with the Hare Krishna after we win the War On Terror. Our airports will be dealt with after we get Iraq for the Airplane Terrorism stuff! The only cool Hare Krishnas are Matt Selou and Anthony Solis.

  • After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: "<smack smack smack smack> Hey, whatchoo readin' for?" Isn't that the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I readING, but what am I reading *for*? Well, godamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I dunno... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress.


Bill Hicks - Play From Your Fucking Heart01:36

Bill Hicks - Play From Your Fucking Heart

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