Bill Belichick
is Very Manly™.

Bill Belichick
Is NOT a cheater
And never cheated before.

Bill Belichick will not let trivial things like friendship, manners, rules, or common decency get in the way of success.


In a move that epitomized his classiness, Belichick leaves his team behind with 2 seconds left to play in his loss to the New York Giants 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII.

Bill "Balls" Belichick is a great football coach, and an even greater American. Like mentor Dick Cheney, Belichick is a man of few words, but whose few words are always full of truthiness.

Belichick graduated with honors from the FU School of Media Relations under the tutelage of Dick Cheney. Belichick's lessons under Cheney provided him with the tools to be a successful football coach and the can-do attitude to do whatever it takes to win, including lying, cheating, and stealing old fashion hard work.

Media ConspiracyEdit

Due to its jealousy and suspicion of all popular Alpha Dogs, the liberal media has recently engaged in a smear campaign against the super-successful Balls Belichick. Specifically, the media has made the following ridiculous accusations about Belichick:

  • In from 2000-2007, he allegedly videotaped opposing teams' defensive play calls. If such tapes existed, I am sure the would be in the hands of Senator Charles Schumer right now.
  • In 2000, Belichick reneged on a contract deal with the New York Jets.
  • In 2002, Belichick allegedly video taped the Rams final walk-through before Super Bowl XXXVI. The fact that the Rams only scored 17 points when their season average was 34 points is proof that this didn't happen. If Belichick video taped their walk-through they would have not scored any points.
  • In 2005 thru current, Belichick has been dishonest on injury reports to mislead teams about the status of his players.
  • In 2006, Belichick had an alleged affair.
  • In 2007, one of Belichick's players admitted to using performance enhancing drugs.



Belichick knows how to rock the hoodie look even in formal settings when others wear suits.

  • Belichick's insistance on constantly wearing a dirty, torn hooded sweatshirt (the "hoodie") has started a fashion trend that extends even beyond the football world.

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"I am homeless...that is why I dress like this."
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~ Bill Belichick

  • Belichick is NOT the other parent of Tom Brady's love-child.
  • Belichick authored Bill Belichick's Book of Totally Awesome Tricks, Treats, and Cheats, inspired by Richard Nixon.
  • Although Belichick is incapable of smiling, on an average of once a year, he performs an inverted frown.

See AlsoEdit

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