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Beer. ie. God's Sweet Nectar, Blessed Drink, Perfect Satisfaction, Bread, and the Truthy Juice!
Made from a simple mixture of Hops, Grain, Yeast, Colbert Urine and Water it is a magic drink that makes you smarter, stronger, and more sexy.
Beer was invented by medieval Christian monks who were doing God's work and improving the world. However misinformed preachers, such as Billy Sunday, claimed beer was demonic, fostering the temperance movement. This lead to the Eighteenth Amendment, one of Americas worst mistakes. Of course God saw this mistake and he fixed it with the Twenty-first Amendment.
In general, mainstream domestic beer is bad. Very bad. It is like screwing in a canoe - F'ing close to water. For a better beer, try microbrewed, craft beer. It's like screwing, period.
- Miller Products- 99% of all waste at Miller is recyclable, with the other 1% of non-recyclable waste shipped down to St. Louis and sold as Budweiser. Also, true beer, not "rice beer" bullshit. Rice is a Chinese good, and we all know that the Chinese are communists. Explains why Budweiser is sold in red cans...
- Schlitz- The beer that made Milwaukee famous. It did so for a reason...
- Anything else made in Wisconsin, specifically Milwaukee. They know more about beer and drinking than anywhere else in this great nation of ours, so you know they're good at that stuff
- Colt 45
- Duff Beer.
- Alamo Beer
- Bell's Beer from Michigan (Beers of note: Oberon, Two-Hearted, Winter White)
- Samuel Adams named after an American Hero 'nuff said.
- Anything made by Pyramid brewing company.
- Anything made by Anchor brewing company.
- Any beer brewed exclusively in Texas.
- Any beer brewed in Fort Collins, except Budweiser- Blech!
Bad Domestic Beer is UnAmerican.
For a bad Domestic beer try:
- Anything made in St. Louis
- Any Beer that begins with the word Natural, Beer is made by man and is, therefore, not Natural. Never drink a beer that lies on its can!
- Any Beer that ends in the word light. Americans like Beer like we like cars, heavy and powerful enough for us to go any where and do anything. Note the difference between "Light" and "Lite" though
- Molson (Canadian). Is this an import?
Warning the consumption of an imported beer may be tantamount to providing aid and comfort to the enemy. It is STRONGLY recomended that any American should consume only American Beer. However, if you have the balls, and feel the experience may be worth the risk, here are a few Imported Beers that, under the proper conditions, may still be American to drink.
- Heineken - Dutch, in WWII they picked the right side.
- Bass Ale - If the British drink it and its not Tea, it must be special.
- Guinness - If the Irish drink it and its not Whisky, it must be special.
- Bier - Any Oktoberfest beer from Germany.
- Any beer with a name you cannot easily read and pronounce.
- communist beer, beer from russia, china, p.d.r.n.k. (real countries get their names capitalized.)
- Anything from that one country. <- only the dixie chicks should have to see the name.
- Bin Laden's Blue Ribbon Ale (at right).
- Foreign beers take the jobs of Real American beers!
All You Need To KnowEdit
Holy Sh#t! Texas discovers the Holy Grail of beer!!!!!
What Have We Learned?Edit
Some liberals would report that beer affects the brain, but we drink massive consumptions every year, and we are brilliant enough to stick with Fox.