Barbara Bush, (born June 8, 1600?) is the wife and grandmother of the 41st President of the United States, George H. W. Bush, and was First Lady of the United States from 1989 to 1993. She also is the Guinness World Record holder for the title of "Oldest Woman Ever". She is often referred to as Saint Barbara the Virgin due to the miraculous birth of our Greatest President, George W. Bush. However, George Bush's conception was anything but miraculous; she had sex with Jesus the regular, ol' in & out anal way. She is also the mother of Florida's Decider Jeb Bush.
Other sources claim that Barbara is in fact a virgin, though she gave birth to the second greatest man in the world; have you seen the woman? It only makes sense, since the holy spirit is blind.
Barbara Bush is sometimes mistaken for the Quaker Oats Man and sometimes even Santa Claus. This should not be confused with the Quaker Oats Guy, Wilford Brimley, who simply did commercials for the product.
She is a good American who supports our President. Insiders say she has no "choice" (???). This is a free country, buddy, everyone has a choice.
Barbara In Her Own elegant Words Edit
- In 1984 Mrs. Bush told the press that she could not say on television what she thought of Vice-Presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro, but "it rhymes with witch."
- Speaking about the then-tentative war on Iraq, on March 18, 2003 she told ABC's Good Morning America, "Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? Oh, I mean, it's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"
- "Almost everyone I've talked to says, 'We're gonna move to Houston.' What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas... Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality, and so many of the people in the arenas here, you know, were underprivileged anyway. This is working very well for them." - On September 5, 2005, while visiting Hurricane Katrina relief centers in Houston, Texas.
Starting about 2006 she started being featured in public service anouncements encouraging people to eat meals with their kids. In the ad she claims studies have shown kids who do this are less liekly to drink, do drugs or engage in premarital sex.
We all know her children are great examples of this being true.
George Carlin referred to Barbara Bush as "the Silver Douchebag".
Good ol' Babs died at home after a brief illness on April 17, 2018. She insisted that she be able to chug burbon and smoke some reefer, so the hospital released her to her stashes.
President Spanky's White House issued a press release noting her passing, but put the wrong date on it (2017 instead of 2018). In response to the alleged typo, the Bush family released their own press release: "Go fuck yourself, Donnie." A t-shirt ablazoned with a recreation of the Bush press release has become a best seller at the online Bush family website. As a result, everyone attending Babs' funeral wearing one of the shirts will get a complimentary fifth of Babs' favorite drink.