The Bald Eagle was created by the council of doom and sold to the world. The Bald Eagle is the proud symbol of our great nation. These birds are all heart. So are they a great bird or the greatest bird ever known to exist on any planet or universe? If you were a true American, you'd already know the answer.
Bald Eagle feces smell and taste like warm, homemade sugar cookies and, as long as you do not disrupt the birds' natural habitat, it is highly suggested that you eat this tasty treat. (Masaharu Morimoto won on an episode of Iron Chef by creating a eagle feces souffle for dessert which helped him pull off the win against Hiroyuki Sakai.) When threatened however, the Bald Eagle has been known to release a guided, communist seeking excrement with an accurate range of up to 300 yards.
The punishment for actually eating a Bald Eagle is death by locking the "eagle eater" in a room filled with bald eagles for 40 days and 40 nights. Evil men such as Lawrence Eagleburger, Michael Moore, Tom Cruise, and evil Democratic eagle hating she-male lesbian, Hilary Clinton have allegedly gotten away with this despicable act.
The Ultimate Anti-Bear AnimalEdit
Eagles are the great American bird and the ultimate anti-bear animal. The eagle has superpowers, including the ability to spot a liberal at 5000 paces (the "Eagle Eye") and the ability to turn into wood, but only when underwater. It is the symbol of truthiness and justice. It is said that they share a spiritual bond with Stephen Colbert. Every time one is killed, a part of Colbert dies. Eagles fly around America, righting wrongs and wronging evil doers. They can not be stopped, they fly through fences, and grab fish out of the water with their talons. This is why Stephen Colbert created The C.A.T.A.R.A.C.T, The Colbert Association of Truthy Animals that Really Are Colbertastic!
Eagles Main DietEdit
Eagles enjoy eating:
- The mouse - mice have Polish ancestry and like Mexican music
- Snakes - thank God for a bird with guts to prey on these slithering agents of Satan
- Nerds who believe that worship Star Trek, logic, and data.
Canadian Bald Eagles On Warpath!!!!Edit
Canada- Fugitive American Bald Eagles have been seen in Canada attacking citizens. Former American Bald Eagles who left the United States in order to avoid prison sentences are arriving in Canada in droves and are multiplying while there fellow american Eagles are being put on endangered lists.
Canadian citizens are being randomly attacked by these evil predators, but all is not lost as BEARS are helping Canadians by fighting with these attacking predators.
Part Bald EagleEdit