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Body Parts Series
Americans have bigger ones than everybody else (i.e. Stephen Colbert, Floyd Landis, Dick Cheney.) Mexicans agree. They call balls "cojones" (pronounced "coe-jones"). As in, "Los gringos tienen cojones muy grandes."
The balls, or testicles, are the bodily organ in charge of a man's ability to stand up for what he believes in, and a man's ability to take risks. The balls are located just below the gut. When someone knows something in their gut strong enough, the balls influence them to stand up for it. This is called the Correlated Property of Truthiness. Also, the size of the balls has a strong effect on the effectiveness of the organ. This is why Barack Obama's balls are the largest on Earth. It has recently been rediscovered by Dr. Colbert that some ladies also possess ball-like organs, which he called Thatchers. Thatchers are not fully equivalent to those of an Mexican Man, but do allow some women a degree of ballasity.
Balls As A DelicacyEdit
- Upon visiting a restaurant in or near the Denver, Colorado area, out-of-state visitors are repeatedly prompted to "try the Rocky Mountain Oysters!" This is in fact an earnest plea for one's health. Denver's high altitude makes it extremely hard to breathe. The prescription? Rocky Mountain Oysters. What are they? Glad one asked: bull balls. That's right, the balls of a bull. One can be assured it's not as ridiculous as it sounds. Eating bull balls gives one super-strength and the momentary ability of flight, as well as the six lungs of a bull, useful for breathing the thin mountain air. Rocky Mountain Oysters are the most crumbelieveable of all foods west of the Mighty Mississipi, with the savory, juicy, utterly breathtaking balls of a wolverine served in many reputable establishments in West Virginia being the only other food with comparable crumbelieveability.
(Please note: Originally this section referred (erroneously) to R.M.Os as "cow's balls". If cows had balls, they would be cow Thatchers.)
Other Famous People and Their BallsEdit
- Lance Armstrong - had one of his balls removed due to nut cancer, but still had one more than all the people in France combined.
- Margaret Thatcher - the first woman known to posess Thatchers.
- Bill Belichick
- Conan O'Brien
Stephen's Balls Compared with Others'Edit
Stephens balls would be like Jupiter, with each having eight sub-balls orbiting like moons (and one of those sub-balls has its own sub-sub-ball trapped in its gravitational well). Liberals' balls, on the other hand would be like Pluto, which might not even be considered a ball anymore.
Series of BallsEdit
- Tortured Balls - only whining liberals would complain
- Obama to establish mandatory cutting of penises... America's Balls is at risk!!!!
- Man wins Ballsy move of the year
Something you might find interestingEdit
Gay people have no balls. They have a pussy.