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To achieve the proper education,
provides All The History You Need To Know.

For the New Christian year designation, please see JCF


America's 6,000-year-old planet

B.C. is the righteous acronym used to designate the dark ages. It stands for Before Colbert, and preceded the current era, which is designated C.E., or the Colbert Era.

A much less righteous acronym used by some liberals and Wordonistas is B.C.E. This acronym should stand for Before Colbert Era, but they use some other un-truthy words which shall not be repeated here.

Many scientists claim the acronym stands for something else, but who listens to them anyways? They also claim the Earth is older than 8,000 years and that we evolved from monkeys.

Timeline of History, B.C.Edit

  • January 0, 6000 BC: Time is created by God.
  • January 1, 6000 BC: The Earth was a molten ball.
  • January 2, 6000 BC: The Earth cooled.
  • January 7, 6000 BC: God rested.
  • March 17, 5976 BC: A bear kills Abel, son of the first humans Adam and Eve, and frames Abel's brother, Cain, and so sets man against man in the most devious of bear conspiracies.
  • March 15, 2008: Stephanus Maximus Truthiness is assassinated on the Senate floor.
  • December 25, 1964 BC: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is born.
  • Good Friday, 1931 BC: Jesus is crucified.
  • Easter, 1931 BC: Jesus comes back from the dead and saves all of our souls, except the liberals'.
  • July 4th, 1776 BC: Jesus founds America
  • 520s BC: Johann Gutenberg creates the printing press in order to print the Bible en masse. Unfortunately, Gutenberg fails to destroy the machine, and so he allows the rise of books as a popular medium for spreading lies, undermining truthiness, and challenging authoritarian rule.
  • 277 BC: Sir Isaac Newton releases the Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica, a book of liberal lies which creates the myth of gravity.
  • July 4, 188 BC: America declares its independence.
  • July 6, 18 BC: George W. Bush, the greatest American president in history, is born.
  • September 18, 34 BC: George W. Bush enters suspended animation in order to re-awaken in a time of great darkness.
  • October 26, 17 BC: Hillary Clinton arrives on Earth from Venus to start her nefarious scheme to destroy America and freedom.
  • October 13, 13 BC: Baby Satan arrives. He and Hillary Clinton get together for a meeting and free drinks at Beelzebub's Bar and Grill, "The hottest god damned bar in Hell" during happy hour.

Timeline of History, A.D..Edit

The End of TimeEdit

  • Day Infinity: The Second Coming of Christ, the Apocalypse, and the Rapture. In roughly that order.

After the End of TimeEdit

  • Day Infinity-Plus-One

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