Ask Tad

Ask tad


Ask Tad is a nationally syndicated advice column in which readers can solicit advice from Tad, the multi-talented building manager from The Colbert Report. Like The Honorable Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., Tad is an expert on many topics, and is willing to answer questions related to the following: building maintenance, emergency evacuation procedures, relationship advice, ornithology, wrestling, tumbling, health care, small town revival efforts, employee-employer relations, personal fitness, balls, Stephen, and The Colbert Report. Tad may also be able to answer some questions relating to taxidermy, human sexuality, dancing, and independent film-making. Tad will not answer questions that are rude, ridiculous, outside his range of expertise, inappropriate for a public audience, or a waste of his time.

For information about how to write Tad, please see the How To Write Tad at the bottom of the page.

Showered with Too Much InterestEdit

Dear Tad,

I am an intern on a top-rated news program who has been having some problems with a leaky shower. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get my shower head to stop dripping, and it's driving me crazy. I live in a very small apartment, and that sound keeps me up all night!!

The other day, a co-worker happened to ask why I looked so tired, which got me going on the shower problem. My boss overheard us talking, and offered to come over and fix my shower. Now I'm sure this sounds like a very generous offer, but here's the thing. He has certain "ideas" about Employer-Intern relations that sometime make me uncomfortable. I get the feeling that he wants to be more than just my "boss," if you know what I mean. Or maybe that he really wants to be my boss - if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I was wondering if you could give me some advice about how to fix the shower so that I don't have to have my boss over. He's the kind of guy that just doesn't seem to take "No" for an answer. Plus, he's my boss. If I can't fix the shower, do you have any suggestions for how I should deal with him while he's here?

Internally yours,


Dear Miss M.,

The shower should be fairly easy to fix; the Boss might be more difficult. The good news for you is that you are an intern. You don't get paid, which means he actually holds less power over you than he does over me some people.

Okay, so... you probably just need to replace the "O-rings." Write down the model of your shower head and go to the hardware store. Find the dorkiest looking guy working there and flirt with him. Ask him what size "O-ring" you need, emphasizing the "O". He will get this for you, and maybe even pay for it! Take it home, unscrew the shower cap, and replace the old one. You may need to seal it with some plumber's tape, so you should probably have gotten that while you were at the hardware store, too. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Anyway, when you go back, try to get that same guy who helped you before. This time, emphasize the "plumb". Same drill.

If that doesn't stop the leak, you may need to replace the valve stems. This is a bit trickier operation, and as there's pretty much no sexy way to say "valve stems," you may just want to hire a plumber to do it for you.

As to the boss question - well, you might have to get used to his advances. You may even find that once you've gotten to know him a little better, he's not so bad. Perhaps his rough handling of you in public is just his way of hiding a soft, vulnerable, child-like inner nature. Or maybe he's an asshole who completely controls you with the threat of taking away the one job for which you're barely qualified. Either way, my advice is to roll with it. For both the plumbing repair and the boss, I'd suggest you wear something loose.

Hoping I Helped,


How To Write TadEdit

Here's how it works: you can leave a letter to Tad here on this page, requesting advice about one of the topics that Tad can address (remember his list). Tad will respond to your letter on this page within a reasonable amount of time (generally a day or two).

Please put a title with two equals signs around it (like this ==My Roof Leaks and I Love You!==) above your letter. This will help separate each of the requests for advice so that Tad can answer them more easily.

You do not need to wait for one letter to be answered before submitting the next request for advice. Sometimes Tad likes to save them up and answer several requests at once - he's a busy guy, and it's a better use of his time that way.

Please note: cannot be held responsible for any choices you might make resulting from the advice given to you in "Ask Tad." is not liable for any damages to your physical or psychological well-being that may result from your implementation of said advice, nor can we in anyway ensure the structural soundness of Tad's building designs. As for his repair work, we at headquarters find it ranges from shoddy to average.

Please also note: cannot guarantee that every letter is personally answered by Tad himself. On very rare occasions, Tad will ask one of his assistants to answer a letter or two.

Please also also note: If Tad seems extremely busy, or if your question is of a particularly personal nature, you might also want to consider Asking Ted.

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