Army/Protective Directives

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The Army, through Holy Word via The Greatest President Ever, has amended their manual to include new protections for all military personnel.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby
proclaim the following whims law. I call upon the people of the United States to obey
my word as they would obey the very Word of Our Lord and Savior.
  1. "Names, video, identifiable written/oral descriptions or identifiable photographs of wounded service members will not be released without the service member’s prior written consent.[1]"
  2. any unauthorized use of the word "Army", "Navy" "Air Force", "Marines" or "Coast Guard" shall incur a penalty of no less than 4 days in a secure facility until such time as an appropriate fee is paid to all offended by said use, otherwise the stay is indefinite.
  3. any unauthorized viewing of banned materials will be seen as voluntary forfeiture of any "Constitutional Protections" real or perceived.
  4. any unauthorized wearing of camouflage will not be tolerated.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this crayon upon paper, in the year of our
Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two
hundred and thirty-first.

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