Despite what you may have heard
Armstrong Williams
Is totally not gay!

Armstrong Williams is a newspaper columnist and TV commentator who writes for beacons of Conservative truthiness like


Armstrong cleverly cut out the middleman in the early 2000s when he accepted payment from the Bush administration for writing articles that told the truthiness about administration programs. And why not? Only the administration understands what's really important for citizens to know. Why shouldn't a columnist get paid directly for telling the realiness of administration policies?

Williams was paid by the Department of Education to help African Americans understand the importance the administration's No Child Left Behind or On Rooftops (NCLBOOR) Initiative.

Williams was criticized for the arrangement by the liberal media, but his wisdom and the importance of NCLBOOR was proven during the Hurricane Katrina photo-op when all children were rescued from rooftops in New Orleans within a week.


Armstrong Williams is an African-American. For those of us, like Stephen Colbert who can't see color, that doesn't make any difference. That's also true of the administration, of course, which means that they weren't paying Williams only because he was a Republican black writer. Not at all. It's just a coincidence.

Since the administration was forced to stop paying Williams, he can now often be found hanging around in Georgetown bars, asking young men to come up to his apartment so he can better explain the advantages of various positions...uh administration positions I mean.

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