Aqua Colbert
is available for purchase
from and for the benefit of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

"When you've got an extraordinary thirst, don't settle for an ordinary water that comes from just one foreign country. When you drink Aqua Colbert, you're drinking the world."



  • bottle is crafted from freshest and crudest Arabian oil
  • Bottle is then flown in its own First Class seat to the Arctic Circle
  • The purest glaciers are hand melted by Aqua Colbert experts for polar freshness
  • South Sea water of the tropics
  • Bangkok massage - with happy ending!
  • topped off with single tear from the last white rhino (May contain some black rhino tear)
  • chilled in Freon
  • packed in styrofoam
  • Transported via snowmobile, Jet Ski,and historic coal-fired train
  • poured over the head of a male model
  • Bottle is then filled with pure Cincinnati tap water
  • airlifted to your home

Purity, quality, packing peanuts

all the refreshment you need in today's warmer world. That's the Aqua Colbert guarantee.

Aqua Colbert. Thirst Locally, Drink Globally!

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