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Anti-Claus

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Osama bin Lisa
Mahmoud Ahmedi-Anti-Claus-nejad is a terrorist.
Muhammad bomb-head

Muhammad was the original Anti-Claus

OverviewEdit

The General of the "Against Us" side in the War on Christmas is the Anti-Claus.

The Anti-Claus resides in the Anti-Arctic at the South Pole and his cheeks are not rosy, his eyes are not bright, and his belly does not jiggle like a bowlful of jelly.

Instead, his cheeks are ashen, his eyes burn like the fires of hell, and his thin belly rattles with the bones of his victims.

The Anti-Claus attains Santa-like immortality by possessing bodies. He presently resides in Osama bin Laden Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Saddam Hussein.

The Anti-Claus is the Islamo's version of The Malcolm.

Powers of the Anti-ClausEdit

Anti-claus

The fearsome Anti-Claus.

The power of the Anti-Claus resides in his hijab, a magical muslim headwrap that has been passed down through many generations of terrorists. His abilities include, but are not limited to:

  • seeing you when you're sleeping.
  • smelling a Jew up to a hundred yards away
  • making the streets run red with the blood of the infidel.

The Anti-Claus does have at least one known weakness: he has never learned how to land his "Slay".

Jihad BombsEdit

On his trek through the Christmas night, the Anti-Claus can often be heard chanting this ominous poem:

Slashing through the sky, in my twelve-bear driven Slay,
Over the States we go, the infidels must pay.
Mohammed!
Bombs down chimneys go, explosions burning bright,
George W. Bush nor Stephen Colbert can catch me tonight!
Jihad bombs, jihad bombs, death to U.S.A.!
O what fun it is to ride in my twelve-bear driven Slay.
Jihad bombs, jihad bombs, death to U.S.A.!
O What fun it is to ride in my twelve-bear driven Slay.

(followed by uvulating sounds)

Sure signs your "gift" is from the Anti-ClausEdit

  • It's ticking.
  • It smells of hummus.
  • The box contains the not-so-fun kind of white powder.
  • The tag is written in blood and reads:
"From: سامة بن محمد بن عوض بن لادن"

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