|City Motto:||Nothing gets out alive|
|Nickname:||The Failure City|
|Theme Song:||Sweet Home Cuba|
|Principal industries:||Reject Art and Film school students, New York Times reporters, military equipment, plants that dump PCP’s|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Home of one of the first gay couples that went to Massachuttess to get married the day it became legal.|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Soldiers at Ft. McClellan started the porn industry in the US by smuggling in Dirty Liberal Euro trash flick through the town in the 40's. The film was stored in there butts until they got there.}|
Beware, the People's Republic of Anniston is an enclave run by mad Communo-fascists. Their agenda is:
- “The Red Star,” controls the town, and has in the past, been the only newspaper ever to denounce, George Wallace, segregation, and Lynyrd Skynyrd in the state, as well as writing articles on gay bears. Many writers use it as a stepping stone to the New York Times because of their Ivy League Southern street cred program.
- CNN Center, a commie base run by Jane Fonda, 90 miles to the east in Atlanta, Georgia, producers live in geo-thermal caves underneath Annistongrad because of their cold blooded nature.
- At war with Gadsden, home of Judge Roy Moore. Gadsden is a city of God, while Annistongrad isn’t. Gadsden is the home of the Ten Commandments, as well as many churches that love the baby Jesus!
- The goal of the city is to drive away companies that might provide jobs so visiting journalist at the Red Star can get a real sense of the south. Bears chase away Walmarts and other shopping centers to suburbs like Oxford and Jacksonville as it is impossible to work in Anniston.
- They like Jon Stewart
History of AnnistongradEdit
Anistongrad was founded after the Civil War by general Stephenus Colbertius, to set example of how everyone should live in the new South, and because all the other towns were burned (see Atlanta). It was named after actress Jennifer Aniston.
Once nicknamed the Model City, it fell into liberal hands shortly after the October Rebellion, and has been a Communist Military city ever since. The Anniston Star or the Red Star began distribution in 1917, and has been producing propaganda ever since, making it the “Failure City.”
The US Army has bases all around the town in order to make sure the idea of communism doesn’t spread into the rest of the great American state of Alabama.
Many Jews and Jon Stewart fans live there and are constently complaining. This is because they have not yet excepted the baby Jesus. Annistongrad is the only place in Alabama where you can complain about Alabama as it is not under the jurisdiction of Baby Jesus.
Luckily Anniston population is 24,000 and falling rapidly. Calhoun County (named after the great Southern Statesman) has 90,000 more than this heathen village. The suburb of Oxford, Alabama, might have more people now. Unlike the Boulder, Madison, and Athens, Anniston is run with an iron fist even though the people just outside the town rarely even pretend it exists. Currently, Anistongrad is still under control of the Secret Muslim, which scares the mountain folk outside this town. Last year, President George W. Bush fool the people of the city, and placed a The US owned Shah as mayor, but this has done very little. The US owned Shah recently demanded the city library to take down a poster of Robert Downey Jr. unless a General Stephenus Colbertius was put up so residents could finally see beyond color. They laughed saying the great general has been dead for over 100 years, then told him to go home. Currently, Anistongrad is still under control of the Secret Muslim which isn’t under any US influences what so ever. There is no telling what he is up too.
Youth Training programs- To make sure children and young teenagers don’t fall victim to this liberal agenda brainwash of the town, Colbert National Guard Youth Challenge Academy, was set up there to make sure those kids are steered in the right direction. After going to a seminar hosted the one and only Stephen Colbert, kids will understand the need not to fall to the way of liberal lows.
Notable Landmarks in AnnistongradEdit
- The Berman Museum, a French Spy museum located within American borders, sounds suspicious to me...
- The Annistongrad Museum of Unnational Myth Of Evolution History and Bears, museum dedicated to bears and bear art
- One of the oldest synagogues in Alabama, this scares the snake handling churches outside the city proper. The rapture will come eventually for this town.
- Quintard Avenue is the National Mall of Annistongrad, there are a bunch of monuments to many communist dictators there.
- The Talladega Guggenheim Museum has been built 15 miles to the west in order to bring culture to the heathen area.
- A Nazi cemetery
- Largest chair in North America
Ethnic Neighborhoods in AnnistongradEdit
A Typical Day in AnnistongradEdit
If you’re a Ivy League reporter or heavily stoned Rainbow Person, you wonder off stoned as usual, until you realize you just left the city limits. The all of a sudden, you are greeted by 2,000 confederate flag waving maniacs, possibly wearing hoods, made up of Snake Handlers and Wal-Mart employees.
Now you are subjected to the Marshall Law of the rest of Northeast Alabama and are reminded that you don’t know anything because, “you ain’t from around here.” Then they will precede to use you as their BBQ, and eat you alive.
Famous People From AnnistongradEdit
- Patriotic Country group "Alabama" was formed there by members who didn’t like the town.
- A couple stupid commie rappers
- The guy that invented American Porn
- Rick Bragg- New York Times writer
|This article might have to do with something gayish. Please |
Not that there's anything wrong with it the way it is,
but it is a little "light in the loafers" (if you know what I mean...)