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Angelina Jolie

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Angelina Jolie
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.


Al Franken
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Angelina Jolie has earned
the (Senator) Franken COMMUNIST-SOCIALIST-MARXIST SEAL OF APPROVAL
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Like,
Angelina Jolie
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
AngelinaJolieLaraCroft

"Is that an artifact, or are you just pleased to see me?"

Angelina Jolie is an American actress and liberal. She is the daughter of Karate Dog actor John Voight, and currently the wife of Hollywood himbo Brad Pitt. She is also the ex-wife of professional Santa Billy Bob Thornton.

Her hobbies include raising kids, acting flashing and pouting in big movies, adopting kids, ruling some fictional country in Africa, procuring kids, and modeling. And kids in general.

Baby Procuring MachineEdit

Adoption ContestEdit

Jolie is also addicted to adopting Third World babies, an activity which has her competing for a world record with everyone's favorite musical whore.

So far Angelina has procured 308 307 children in the last six years. Her most recent addition, Shiloh, is her first biological child. So that one doesn't count towards the record. The others include Shakira, some black kids, a Chinese kid, an Eskimo, and Dennis the menace.

She currently has in her custody at least one child from every nation on earth, so naturally the Jolie-Pitt household acts as a second United Nations. Currently Maddox and Pax are meeting at the dinner table to discuss action figure trade relations. The offical languages in the Jolie-Pitt household are English, Spanish or Italian or some kind of Portugese, Chinese, and what ever language it is that Bill Cosby speaks.

Angelina jolie 032

Raise your hand if you want Stephen in the worst way

Alleged Adoption Of Stephen Jr.Edit

In the winter of 2006, in a whirlwind of rumors concerning the whereabouts of Stephen's boy Stephen Jr., some tubes published an unsubstantiated and completely false report that Ms. Jolie had adopted Stephen Jr.

To be clear, if Angelina wants Stephen's son, he will give her one the old-fashioned way. Or, via the purchase of some Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 or its spin-offs.

Acting CareerEdit

Jolie acted alongside Jon Stewart in the 1998 film Playing by Heart, during the production of which the two most likely fornicated, and if not the latter of whom masturbated to the thought of the former.

Among the few non-reprehensible actions taken by this Hollywierd celebrity is portraying the title character in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, a large-boobed superheroine. The movie was based in a video game which helped boys all over the world to masturbate improve their wrist-eye coordination.

FractoidsEdit

  • Her father, Jon Voight, is a senile old crank loyal Republican.
  • She is the patron saint of the nation of Wal-Mart
  • Her lips size is double-D
  • The Donald, a fantastic judge of good taste, thinks Angelina is ugly.
  • Thanks to her past sins and her slightly manish looks, Jolie is considered a hotmosexual.
  • She reportedly enjoys participating in lesbian sex scenes (ie Gia) whenever she gets the chance.
    • This love of the love that dare not speak its name explains why she married that butch girl
  • Steals babies from their birth mothers in Africa (Africa, where's that?)
  • Member of the Hollywood Pregnancy Association. She is on the list of "Past Bad Pregnancies" because she was unwed when she gave birth to her twins. She is refusing to Marry Brad Pitt until Gay Marriage is legal.

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