American Idol

American Idol — Not to be confused with American Idle — is the second most American show on TV, a reality show which raised its age limit just so that Stephen could enter and win.

The Reality WaveEdit

Introduced with a few months after a strike by the actors guild and a strike by the writers guild would have paralyzed the business end of Hollywood, Rupert Murdoch decided it was time to get his Final Solution rolling.

Programs which did not need actors or writers were quickly put into production and started airing.

Reality ShowsEdit

Main Article: Reality Shows

Reality Shows is a term created by a very American and very consumer-savvy advertising cum linguistically skilled American, market-lover to convey a sense of realness for a televised spectacle.

Once the term was repeated enough, no one could remember that it was still on TV and was as real as dancing grapes.

What many call reality shows today were once refered to as "game shows". But, market research showed that when a questioner used the word "game" people heard "gay", so the term was dropped faster than a pair of pants at a Georgia airport.

Speaking of GayEdit

In front of the camera, American Idol employs differently appearing Americans to appeal to diffferent demographics:

All of which may or may not have had their actor's guild card prior to working on American Idol (but most certainly do now, which means they can vote whether to go on strike, and etc.)

Behind the scenes, American Idol continues the Fox employment tradition, with:

  • no writers
  • a full compliment of underpaid, overworked production staff and crew
  • lots and lots of lawyers
  • a CEO, who is both well-paid and well-fed, just as any king should be

Oh, but hold the phone Ethel, we were talking about The Gays...


Contestants must meet certain criteria:

  • live in the Los Angeles area (or willing to move there)
  • must be willing to shed any remaining dignity
  • must have compromising videos or photos of oneself online
  • sign a form without any consultation from a legal or financial professional

Singing requirementsEdit

  • if you can sing...
    • you must be a black woman, willing to accept that America will not have more than one famous black woman on TV at a time (sorry, Mrs. Obama)
    • or, a gay guy, willing to stay in the closet (that includes that Hadji-wannabe and that Opie guy)
  • if you can not sing...
    • must not have any shame at your inability to hold a tune in public or lack of self awareness when everyone else laughs at you
    • don't mind if people laugh at your dumb ass (as long as you get paid)
    • and pay your fees and stay off the medias in perpetuity


The producers/marketing geniuses figured out long ago that brand or product loyalty increases when the illusion of choice is introduced; the more ignorant the consumers the easier it is to manipulate them.

The field of contestants are introduced during the first episode, but instead of requiring they have any communication abilites, they are asked to perform someone else's creations.

First by simply singing (or whatever it is you call what most of them do) to "performing" them in an "advertising-like" segments.

While the music used in the advertising-like segments is from popular television commercials and familiar to most consumers as such, no one mentions it between commercial breaks.

Every week viewers are asked to sit through each contestant's bit and to call the telephone number associated with that contestant.

In each subsequent week, contestants are eliminated based on something.

The repetition and repeated use of reused music and recycled fashions has the effect of a soothing lullaby on the viewers. Coupled with the illusion of choice, American Idol will continue to fill Fox's programming hours without them actually crossing the threshold which would requir them to pay people a living wage.

Measure of SuccessEdit

In 2007 members of the Writers' Guild went on strike, emptying America's television tube, stranding millions of consumers on an island of television-less existence, nothing like Lost.

It was reality shows which rescued America's viewing audiences.

Thank you, reality shows, without you we would still be on that deserted island with those people on Lost.

Season 7Edit

David Archuleta should have won Season 7 after performing a "knock-out" on fellow finalist David Cook.

Due to the graphic nature of this violent act, the scene was re-shot with a Cook look-alike, and the results changed as a peace offering.

See AlsoEdit

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