The AH weighed approximately four tons and was the height of a semi truck. It was a hue of cinnabar and had four tusks. It had a lifespan of up to 700 years and was able to mate successfully every 50 years, one of the reasons for it's current extinction. It lived on the Great Plains of North America and its diet consisted of corn and Native Americans.
The AH was believed to go extinct for three main reasons. Robert Cornhole invented the teeth during colonial America and used the tusks of the American Hippopotamus to craft replacements of these strange new contraptions. The hippopotamus thus decreased in numbers from 6,790,345 to 435. Another reason was the obesity of the animals. The hippo has a body fat of 45% and ate the amount of fat equivalent to 769.4 Twinkies each day. This fat gave the poor animals heart disease. The final reason was that the animal could only mate every 50 years due to the fact male American hippopotamuses had penises which could only get an erection every 50 years. Various attempts were made to fix this problem however the hippopotamus' stubby feet could not masturbate the penis for stimulation and Viagra's predecessor, a drug known as "Winky Tinky," had horrible side effects such as sexual orientation switching and MPS (Multiple Penis Syndrome).
There is currently one specimen perfectly preserved at the The Center for Advanced Cornhole Studies in Atlanta, Georgia and scientists are attempting to study its tusks to gain information about the first pairs of teeth ever made. The scientific name is Colberticus Crusaderous.
|American Hippopotamus is in Wikiality's Animal Perdition
This horrid beast will spend eternity wandering the vitriolous wastelands of Utah.