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To be an American is to be on the highest plane of existence. Americanism is the nationality possessed by a person of America; a person of America would thus be called an American. Americans are neither ugly nor rude; if they are rude to you, it's because you're an asshole.
When you look up at the American Flag, think of Stephen Colbert - the man who has red, white and blue blood. There is nothing more American in the World than Stephen Colbert, a symbol of freedom, liberty and just about everything else America stands for. The only thing more American than Stephen Colbert is Stephen Colbert.
Key Signs You Are AmericanEdit
- You only need to speak one language, AMERICAN!.
- You know you are the best
- You have a natural preference for red, white, and blue things (in that order)
- You know that the Ruskies copied our flag colors
- You feel deep affection for American elephants
- You know that you are the World authority
- You watch The Colbert Report every Monday through Thursday night at 11:30PM (Eastern/Pacific) on Comedy Central - and TiVo for weekend revision
- You support The Greatest President Ever (if you don't, you're a Communist)
- You love the Baby Jesus
- You would never be caught dead chasing away military recruiters; that is a sin
- You celebrate your Nation's Independence by blowing a chunk out of it with fireworks
- You worship Jesus and his amazing Jesus Powers
- You know how to detect and deal with a liberal... and it's not peacefully
- You would never vote Democrat ever. (Seriously.)
- Your CD collection includes the whole Willie Nelson catalog
- The only type of ice cream you eat is Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream
- You have a major Crush on Ann Coulter, her words are music to your ears
- You rejoiced upon hearing Edward Kennedy is finally being struck down by God
- You spend your entire life fighting off certain evil threats that have done something to you ever
- You like wars because we win EVERY TIME! WOOO! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Things that WILL kill you unless you kill them firstEdit
- George W. Bush
- Stephen Colbert
- Rush Limbaugh
- Strom Thurmond
- Pat Robertson
- American (language)
- Real American
- Apple Pie
- Hulk Hogan
|Stephen Colbert | Jesus Christ | George W. Bush|