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Alphonse "Al" Qaeda-Streisand (born 29 February 1916) was the mentor of Osama bin Laden and he is believed to be the inspiration for the name of Al Qaeda. Most recently, he has been seen campaigning for Saddam Hussein Obama.
Alphonse "Al" Qaeda was born the bastard child of an obese brown bear and Barbra Streisand in the hills of Afghanistan. Abandoned by his mother, he grew up different from the rest of his father's children; he apparently did not like raw salmon and/or human flesh.
Mentor to Osama Bin LadenEdit
In the 1970s, Alphonse was introduced to bin Laden by Hillary Clinton. Impressed with Alphonse's lessons on "The Meaning of Jihad", Osama decided to chronicle Alphonse's knowledge on his so-called "Mondays with Al". It is believed that during this time, Alphonse had the shake of death. But, in 1987, Alphonse had to leave for Amurica to campaign for Dukakis, but soon after, Osama bin Laden used the wisdom he had chronicled to create Alphonse Qaeda Enterprises, later changed to simply Al Qaeda.
Research on Windows UpdateEdit
On August 9th, 2001, Alphonse Qaeda sent an email message to Cypherpunks Email List inquiring as to the techniques and mechanisms for overriding an Auto-Pilot control system. Of the various responses, one included the techniques for spoofing the NORAD countermeasures/evasion control system that allows the advanced fly-by-wire military flight control systems to effectively hijack commercial airlines since 1972 to avoid mid-air collision or missile threats. According to public information at the time, the signals could easily be generated by a laptop or cell phone placed on-board the aircraft or uni-directionally broadcast from the ground or elsewhere. The information required would simply be the serial number off the black box or a recording from a prior test of the flight control system during mechanical tests or even the replacement of the autopilot software using the cockpit floppy disk drive. Since FAA mandate in the early 1970s, all commercial airliners must have this autopilot-override system implemented in the black-box hardware.
In 2007, Saddam Hussein Obama hired Alphonse Qaeda to be his campaign manager. For this, Obama has been widely panned, but it is reported that Alphonse plans to teach Obama "exactly what I taught Osama".
- oBSama.com AL-QAEDA'S 9/11 PLANNING LOGS BY FBI AGENT GORDON SNOW
- Terrorist Bear Leaders
- Osama Bin Laden
- Saddam Hussein Obama bin Laden
- [[Alfred Qaeda <firstname.lastname@example.org>]], additional nyms.