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The one and only, undefeated Alpha Dog of the Week Emeritus is America's Greatest Dead President, Ronald Reagan. However, from time to time, Stephen names a temporary Alpha Dog of the Week.
named for the Week of September 28, 2006
John Bolton "The Schnauzer"Edit
named for the Week of December 9, 2006
- His "colleagues" at the UN used the following to described his "management style":
- 1. "abrasive and not very helpful to amenable consensus"
- 2. "no comment"
- His only possible replacement would be a bulldozer
named for the Week of February 12, 2007
- Survived a hoof to the head from a dromedary
named for the Week of March 25, 2007
- Hancock, a resident of Carterville, Illinois was charged more than $525 on his electric bill, more than triple the amount it was last year. Hancock mailed 52,500 loose pennies as payment.
Toby, the Golden RetrieverEdit
named for the Week of April 1, 2007
- Toby performed the Heimlich Manuever on his owner by jumping repeatedly on her chest, saving her life.
named for the Week of April 21, 2007
- Paul fought corruption with corruption, granting his girlfriend a huge, tax-free pay raise.
named for the Week of April 29, 2007
- Ben broke through the Jemima ceiling and is now the chairman of the company that for 61 years has borne both his name and likeness.
named for the Week of May 14, 2007
- Michael is a handi-capable triple amputee (no arms) who overcame the stereotype that all handicapped people are sweet and harmless. He led police on an 8 minute car chase in Florida while driving (and shifting) with his large pair of balls. He has also stolen a car, kicked a state trooper, and attacked his wife headfirst.
named for the Week of June 24, 2007
- Judge Bork recently sued the Yale Club of New York City for one million dollars in damages despite his career efforts at instigating tort reform to counter the threat of personal injury lawsuits.
named for the Week of July 1, 2007
- This majestic hunk of possible Presidential man-meat scored multiple ex-girlfriend-in-heat endorsements, besting his closest rival Rudy Giuliani in this coveted Alpha doggy-style category.
named for the Week of July 18, 2007
- This British-soccer transplant brought his own set of enormous Alpha-sized man-crumpets when he showed up for the first practice with his American team to stretch and sit.
named for the Week of September 24, 2007
- Honniballs worked as a contractor and was discovered working in the nude by a home owner.
named for the Week of October 3, 2007
- for leading the world with a bold commitment to finalize a goal for future possible action to solve global warming
Anonymous Tennessee 911 OperatorEdit
named for the Week of May 5, 2008
- for falling asleep during an emergency call (his snoring was heard on the recording)
named for the Week of July 16, 2008
- for saying "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" as he left a G-8 Summit meeting in Japan.
named for the Week of September 24, 2008
- for going on the Today show to dismiss the opinion of intellectuals!
named for the Week of October 27, 2008
- for naming his child "Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak" without telling his wife and after they agreed on another name, "Mary Grace"
named for the Week of May 12, 2009
named for the Week of June 17, 2009
- for demanding his wife apologize for him having an affair with an 18-year-old
named for the Week of May 2, 2010
named for the Week of August, 2010
For refusing to stow his sack in the overhead compartment when a flight passenger called him a motherfucker. Then grabbing a beer, left on the emergency slide, and went home to commit sexual relations