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All You Need to Know is a segment of easily understood summaries of important events felt to the audience by Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report. They are often misreported by the liberal media using facts.
- Illegal Immigration: The grass seed goes down in the spring, the weed killer in the fall.
- Nintendo/McDonald's partnership: You'll need some bigger pants.
- Lottery: 5, 87, 33, 6, 21 & ? - that's your job.
- Dick Cheney's notes on Joseph Wilson's article What I Didn't Find in Africa: Cheney dots all his 'i's with hearts.
- CIA confirmation hearings of General Michael Hayden: Senators, just speak into your bedside lamp.
- Hurricanes: the breast stroke
- Medicare Part D plans: pick one at random, wash your hands a lot
- MTV's URGE: 1/2 hour of music sales per day, the rest is crap programmed for slow teens
- Rolling Stone's 1000th issue: Elvis, Dylan, Lennon, Jagger, Springsteen, Bono, Madonna, Coldplay (repeat 1000 times)
- John Gibson's statement that America needs more white babies: John Gibson is ready and willing.
- George W. Bush is the president of Mexico too.
- Americans have the biggest balls in the world.
- Women have an insatiable sexual appetite for men in striped shirts.
- Samuel Alito appointed to the Supreme Court: Stock up on condoms.
- AYNTK in Kansas? Very little.
- In a nucular war, you're on your own.
- There's just enough vaccine for your leaders to be in perfect health in case of an Avian Flu crisis
- How to siphon gas