Ali Coli

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Osama bin Lisa
Mahmoud Ahmedi-Ali Coli-nejad is a terrorist.

Ali Coli or al Escherichia Coli (al E. Coli) is a sleeper cell of terrorists believed to be hiding in America's Heartland somewhere.

They are believed to be a group specializing in biochemical warfare or bioterrorism, or bisexuality. No one is really sure but Condoleeza Rice is still working hard to figure out who they are and what they are up to based on an email she received only recently from a Nigerian Prince.

Suspected TargetsEdit

Ali Coli may attack America in many ways, some vulnerable, some not so much.

  1. vital spinach crops
  2. drinking water
  3. hair gel
  4. pen bomb launchers
  5. hamburger meat

Methods for Infiltrating AmericaEdit

Ali Coli are friends of Al Franken so they are very well versed in American culture and have learned to read American maps. Also, Al Franken briefed Ali Coli on the vulnerabilities in America's Securities based on the liberal media's blabbing everything to the whole freakin' world.

But, because The Greatest President--EVER!'s efficient use of taxpayer's monies on Homeland Security, we know how they have operated in the past to weaken America's confidence in the infrastructure that has been built over many, many generations:

  • infiltrating corporations to allow poor quality products to enter the marketplace
  • infiltrating lawmakers' offices and "Bar" Associations to make sure they won't stop the plot
  • infiltrating lawmakers' offices and "Bar" Associations to weaken existing and proven safety-nets
  • infiltrating local governments to cut budgets so regulating agencies have no operating budgets
  • infiltrating regulating agencies to keep secret the impending failure of the system
  • infiltrating the media to keep people in the dark about their devious plot

Recent AttacksEdit

Ali Coli is very active in its plot against America. Recently, the terrorist group endangered America through spinach, but The Greatest President--EVER! stared the evil-doer in the eye and ended the outbreak.

Ali Coli has now aligned himself with border-hating Mexicans and are attacking through their sleeper cells in New York-area Taco Bells. Ali Coli's weapon of choice this time is contaminated lettuce.[1]

Most of the tainted burritos victims are little children, who are The Baby Jesus's friends. Bush is actively seeking the capture of Ali Coli this time, stating that the terrorist group has not learned his lesson the first time and that he wants justice and has vowed to get Ali Coli "Dead or Alive"".


  1. Another reason why you shouldn't eat hippie-loving vegetables.

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