Alex P. Keaton
is a member of the Stemcellocracy.

What will we tell the blastocysts?
Alex P. Keaton
is too Canadian, speak American, eh.

Faking it before Congress

Alex P. Keaton hates the Baby Jesus and says he has the right to kill any babies just for kicks. As a master actor from TV and the big screen, he knows what strings to pull to get his legs, arms and torso to shake and spasm as though he had Parkinson's Disease. What a faker! But he does not garner any sympathy from heroes who love freedom and who will never give up their right to get scientific information from The Bible.

His Canadian name is Michael J. Fox, which was probably given to him when he was suckled by grizzlies in British Columbia. His campaign to develop Stem Cell Research for Parkinson's disease began when he decided to dedicate his life to a full-time schmaltzy act of discom"bob"ulation.

His act was finally called out by the great hero Rush Limbaugh in October 2006.


  • Was a staunch Republican until his sister Mallory revealed she wasn't really his sister.
  • Claims to have traveled back to the future, like that makes any sense.
  • Worked for Doc Brown, a known associate of Libyan terrorists.
  • Lied to the entire state of Missouri about his "disease".
  • Doesn't have Parkinsons, has Fakingtons.
  • Receives $1000 for every baby he murders.
  • Irresistibly adorable on the hit TV show Spin City.
  • He and Michael Kinsley are really Rush Limbaugh and Pat Buchanan on alternating Tuesdays
  • Kept putting his hand in his pocket on Spin City because he was afraid liberals would try to take his money and spend it on useless medical research.
  • Since Rush pissed him off has seriously considered changing his name to Michael J. MSNBC.
  • It is suspected that he is a Shaker who left his Quaker faith when he discovered the joys of furniture building.
  • Is the only Canadian high school drop out to have read and understood Heidegger's Being and Nothingness in it's original Gibberish (before it was translated into German). It was at that time that he plotted to invent Parkinson's disease in a nefarious liberal plot in the spirit of Heidegger's Truth Palsy, summarized in the axiom, if you shake yourself at Being for long enough, Truth for Itself will stiffen in Time.

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