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CanadianFlag
MugDarkBeer
Alberta
is a Canadian Province, eh.


The "Great" Province of Alberta
ALBERTA
Capitol: Edmonton
State Flower: Wild Rose
Official Language: American
State Snake: the oil exectuive
State Motto: You on welfare? Get a one-way bus ticket to BC!
Nickname: Uncle Sam's Bitch, Saskatchewan's Iraq
Governor: Esso
State Anthem: kd Lang's "Music to Menstruate By"
Population: 50,000 oil rigs
Standard MPH: Anything faster to avoid Saskatchewan drivers
Principal imports: Texans
Principal exports: America's oil and gas, and the meat in those McDonald's hamburgers you love so much, you fat bastard.
Principal industries: Right-wing conservatism, religious fanatacism, lesbian country singers, mad cows
Fun Fact: Perky Alberta outlawed sterilization of native children in 1971!
Fun Fact: Albertans are much more intelligent than you.
Fun Fact: Canadian Prime Minister and loveable coot Stephen Harper is a proud Albertan, dagnabbit!

Alberta, also known as Saskatchewan's Iraq, is one of the largest oil and gas producing states in Jesus Land. God often conveniently places America's oil into friendly territory to give the US military a break from fighting for big oil in places like Iraq. Alberta is also the Canadian Red Neck Holy Land.

No f*cking hippies

Alberta HistoryEdit

Albertians in the past were decendants of Jesus

Alberta TodayEdit

Alberta today is very much like Texas, except that it snows for a goodly portion of the year. Like other US states, Alberta has secret plans to seccede from Canada and form its own country, Saudi Albertia.

Alberta LandmarksEdit

  • the crackalley dance bar calgary
  • West Deadmantown Mall, now officially 50% smaller than the Mall of America

Towns Of AlbertaEdit

CalgaryEdit

Also known as Cowtown and the Denver of Canada

Edmonton (as known Redmonton(red is the colour of liberal party) Edit

Continuously outsmarts Cowtown at every turn. Example: Way back when folks were deciding where to build the University of Alberta there was many a debate between Edmonchuck and Cowtown. Those hooligans down south wanted the University because it was, at the time, illegal to have a government building and a university in the same town. Deadmonton citizens could never accept such a tragedy so they built the University in Strathcona and then annexed Strathcona to Edmonton a couple years later thereby demonstrating their clear superiority. Bravo Edmonchuckians!

BanffEdit

STD capitol of the world

Medicine HatEdit

Home of the world's largest tipi...I suspect foul play is afoot.

Famous People From AlbertaEdit

A Typical Day In AlbertaEdit

  • 8-12 drinking
  • 12-5 drinking
  • 5-1 drinking
  • 1-8 Pissing tequila

Strange Laws in AlbertaEdit

Factoids Edit

  • Alberta has a large grizzly bear population that threatens American oil and gas fields
  • the largest act of industrial sabotage in North America occurred in the 1990s in Alberta when bears under the guidance of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police blew up several sour gas wells
  • the Calgary Stampede is the largest rodeo in the world
  • full of nothingness
  • Alberta may in fact be an American state, misplaced during the war of 1812.
  • Every man in Alberta has a 3 foot dick
  • Every Albertan is strong enough to rip a bear in half with their own hand
  • Considered armed and dangerous and willing to shoot any America
  • There is so much grizzly bear excrement crowding the openness of Alberta that they are considering burning it for energy.

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