Albert Einstein studies science-related stuff,
guaranteeing him a one-way ticket straight to hell.
Albert Einstein is heretical
and makes The Baby Jesus jealous!
May it rot in the fires of his judgement!
DBB bockbier
Albert Einstein

ist Deutsch, und hat eine bessere Bier als wir.

Es ist Bier braucht nicht bearbeitet, aber ich denke, man sollte alles ändern.
Albert Einstein
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!

Albert Einstein was a groundbreaking German scientist and a "playa". In his youth he knocked up a ..uh.. friend. His contributions to the world of physics are widely known, however, most of them were in fact stolen from Stephen Colbert's personal journal. Like gravity.


Albert Einstein... What an attractive fellow...

Einstein was known for his crazy hairsstyles. He was known as the 'Flock of Seagulls' of his day. He would often use his hair to pick up girls, saying, "If I grow my hair out like that can I get relative with you?"

He did, however, make a few true blue contributions to this great nation of America. These contributions are, of course, in the sport of foosball. During his formative years at the Swiss Patent Office, Einstein perfected the Pull Shot and the Snake Shot, which he took to calling his "Patented Wrist Rocket." Einstein's love for foosball and his competitive drive did not leave him. In 1933, at the age of 53, Einstein began what is now known as his "Relative Reign of Foosball Pain." That year Einstein attended the annual Princeton Foosball Tournament and Symposium which brings professors, undergrads, graduate students, and postdocs to the foosball table for a no-holds-barred winner-take-all competition and theoretical discussion. Einstein won every year from 1933 to 1937. In 1937 he did not allow a single goal to be scored against him and guest participant, Neils Bohr, is rumored to have left the event in tears. Einstein felt his title was secure and abstained from participating in subsequent tournaments.

It was during this break that Einstein took up alpaca farming.

Einstein is an icon in theoretical physics as well as popular culture. His words carry great weight, even to this day. Despite this, some quotes attributed to him were not accurately captured. His most famous quote may be "God does not play dice with the universe," but what he actually said was, "God does not take a blindfolded bank shot on the weak side from the deep corner."

Einstein was 6' 7, 220lbs.


Albert (while forgeting to put on his radiation suit) takes a little vacation to Hiroshima and Nagasaki to see how his most breakthrough experiment worked out

Theory of RelativityEdit

Einstein's greatest accomplishment, his Theory of Relativity, states that a person born of another person must necessarily be related to that person, and vice-versa. The one-hitter Einstein smoked while devising the Theory of Relativity was recently sold on Ebay.

Musical CareerEdit

Einstein kiss

Einstein was once a band member of “Kiss” but artistic differences caused a split

An accomplished lyricist, Einstein participated in the East Bloc-West Block rap wars of the early 1950's. His debut album e=mcBooyah! was consistently rated a 92 on Dick Clark's American Rapstand for nearly two years. The title track 'Dropping Science' has endured as a hip-hop staple and catchphrase even into a new millenium.


Albert Einstein married his cousin. This proves he was a Real American.


External TubesEdit

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