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WARNING: Like most evil villains, Al Gore has a weather machine. Do not piss him off!
"Manbearpig must be stopped!"
"I'm super cereal!"
"I created the internet, so thank me the next time you 'watch' porn."
Al Gore is the beloved leader of the welfare people, father of the proletariat and the Democratic Party. As such, Comrade Gore tries to promote his anti-Jesus socialist agenda behind the guise of global warming, trying to destroy world economies by stopping them from having the God-given right to add 0.03% more greenhouse gas to the atmosphere thereby frying the Earth till ordinary Americans are cozy rather than just liberal elites superior essays. His fuck-buddies are Fidel Castro, Osama bin Laden and Bismarck's preserved spleen.
Had the American people not voted 271–266 and put George Bush into office, our country would probably be mired in massive debt, and in an unwinnable war started by Joe Lieberman. Al Gore is often best credited for saving the world from the dreaded ManBearPig which, is the only thing he ever took, "cereal". Man Bear Pig did nothing to Al Gore. I don't think he had any friends. He also tried to kill George Bush during the 2000 Election during a commercial break during the debate. He quit later as he is a quitter. He took his lies and went home, period.
Nationwide Controversy over his WeightEdit
- When Stephen Colbert looked through Al Gore's garbage, he found half used drinks and wasted paper. If he is throwing away so much paper he must be eating at least as much as part of his daily diet.
- Al Gore gains weight every time he lies.
- Another reason for Al Gore's apparent ballooning is that since he has launched his global warming crusade he has lowered his "carbon emissions" by holding his breath.
Gore also invented Jebus in an attempt to gain the votes of the Red States.
He also invented the Weather Network and meteorology, apparently so he could scare people and manipulate the weather forecast for his own numerous nefarious interests:
- To make his blockbuster documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." What a greedy bastard.
- Melting ice floes to have them float down south, carrying with them polar bears to devour God-fearing Americans.
Did he invent his own beard?Edit
It has been suggested that his beard was yet another of his inventions. Sources close to Al Gore indicate that after unsuccessful experiments with "natural" beards, the baby-faced liberal was attempting to invent a carbon-fiber "nano-beard" which would allow him to avoid the public after his devastating, humiliating loss in the 2000 Elections. There was just not enough votes.
Other sources suggest that it "just grew" after being watered by his own copious tears.
Al Gore tried to steal the internet and the election, he was sued by Alexander Graham Bell.
After his merciless, nailing defeat by the Jesus/Bush duo in 2000, Gore has found new ways to pollute America's Youth with liberal elitist theories while becoming excessively rich in the process. The following is a brief synopsis of his horrible acts since then:
- Executive member of Google. "Helping" America find "Facts" everyday.
- Appeared in the America-Hating show South Park where he sponsors a creature deemed Man-BEAR-Pig.
- Wrote not one but two books talking about his life and liberal accomplishments
- Produced a movie about the "facts" of Global Warming.
- Is friends with Mac...a known America-hating company
- Al Gore can currently be seen spreading his liberal propaganda about Global Warming. Wake up, Al Gore. It's summer, it's going to be hot.
- Here is another truthiness : Jesus is for life, Al Gore is against it. Jesus doesn't have horns, Al Gore does.
Global warming beaten? Edit
"The Hypocrite of the Ages!!!"Edit
In early 2007 it was discovered that Al Gore's home in Tennessee uses far more resources than the average American home does. For instance, in one month alone Al uses $500 dollars in power, or $30,000 annually. Our glorious Stephen also found wasted food and paper in his trash, further showing that Al Gore is indeed a hypocrite. Al Gore also flew on an airplane across the ocean when he could have just bought a sailboat and saved energy.
On October 12 2007 Al was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
The ruse used was something about global warming but we all know it's really because his efforts ensured the election of the greatest president of all time, George W. Bush.
Obama broke into Al Gores safe and stole it. They asked Bush to steal it from Obama because Bush supports Clean Coal which is actually much safer than some kinds of nuclear. But Bush may have made a fist-bump with Obama and so it may still be up to Al Gore to save the world.
Stephen's Personal Message for AlEdit
Stephen Colbert has An Inconvenient Truth for you: "You're still not the President!"
Contributions to The Daily Show Edit
Riding Dr. Colbert's CoattailsEdit
Like all liberal lieing liers, Al Gore has co-opted tried and true American strategeries to sell his religion of Global Warming. One of the ways he has been able to get people to convert to his "religion" is by using propaganda. With his power point presentation, "Inconvenient Truth" and his book "I Am Global Warming (And You Will Too!)", Gore is sneaking into America's culture and infecting everyone with ideas based on fear and flatulence.
Al Gore is very fat. He has become less fat as of late however.But it only appears that way.That's because he wears biggers suits,drives larger towncars,larger private jets and has wide angle lens to film him in HD.