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is something African and thus may or may not be real,
not to pretend that you really care either way. Come on - it's Africa.

This is what black people look like.[1]

Africa is supposedly a continent somewhere, known commonly as "The Dark Continent". This "Africa", as it is called, may or may not actually exist. Urban legends indicate that the human race began there,[2] when it either was created by God, or was shapeshifted from monkeys by Charles Darwin's magic wand.[3] Nobody really knows what goes on there. And nobody really cares, either.[4]

The most recent speculation places the country of Africa somewhere in between China and Egypt. CIA sources have yet to confirm this, probably because they have much better things to do than even think about Africa.


Black people live here.[5] It is the ancestral home of African-Americans. It is hoped that someday African-Americans will return to their ancestral homeland and reclaim it just as our Israeli Jewishy friends have theirs.


Another picture of what Africans supposedly look like. We don't see race, however, so in all honesty we don't know if it's true.


Home to the African elephant, their population has tripled thanks to Christian values, Corporate donations, and America. Bush administration experts are negotiating a deal to move some of the excess elephants to New Orleans to serve as a natural dike.[6]

Africa is the native environment of the majestic AIDS, a species threatened by recent (failed) attempts at sex education and abortion rights activists.


Regardless of whether or not Africa actually exists, Saddam Hussein purchased yellowcake from some place in it to build nucular weapons.

Also, again, despite the fact that the existence of Africa is in serious question, one million patriotic American soldiers still fought in it during World War II.

United States of Africa


Africa? Well, I suppose it might be. Looks kind of funny. Almost cartoonish, actually. Ah, well. I don't suppose it really all.

Among the countryettes that may or may not be in Africa are:

Proof That Africa Doesn't Exist

  • Have you ever been to Africa? Have you!? Don't lie to me...I'll ask Santa. You've never been to that's just more proof that it doesn't exist.
  • If Africa were to exist, then what would need to be that which is couldn't be not Africa. Did you get that? Exactly.
  • Who lives in Africa, anyway? Nobody, that's who.
  • Africa contains an island nation called Fernando Po. No place that really exists would name a place this; ipso facto, it doesn't exist. However, Skull Island is very real.

People Who "Care" About "Africa"

Africa Fun Facts, Afrifacts

  • there is no consensual sex in Africa, it's all rape.


  1. Allegedly.
  2. It is kind of obvious why most of us were so quick to leave.
  3. God; Ghost, Holy; Christ, Jesus (Eds.). The Bible (4th Ed.). Paradise: Heavenly Gates Press. ISBN 7-777777-77-7.
  4. Except, of course, for Angelina Jolie.
  5. Maybe. If it exists. ... And if black people exist too. We aren't sure. We don't see color.
  6. Eat it, Al Gore.
  7. Alleged continent!
  8. An achievement comparable to being the biggest hemorrhoid on Bigfoot's ass.
  9. Note: There aren't really countries called North Africa or East Africa, despite what Risk says.

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