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has been a
Africa is supposedly a
continent country somewhere, known commonly as "The Dark Continent Country". This "Africa", as it is called, may or may not actually exist. Urban legends indicate that the human race began there, when it either was created by God, or was shapeshifted from monkeys by Charles Darwin's magic wand. Nobody really knows what goes on there. And nobody really cares, either.
The most recent speculation places the country of Africa somewhere in between China and Egypt. CIA sources have yet to confirm this, probably because they have much better things to do than even think about Africa.
Black people live here. It is the ancestral home of African-Americans. It is hoped that someday African-Americans will return to their ancestral homeland and reclaim it just as our Israeli Jewishy friends have theirs.
Home to the African elephant, their population has tripled thanks to Christian values, Corporate donations, and America. Bush administration experts are negotiating a deal to move some of the excess elephants to New Orleans to serve as a natural dike.
United States of AfricaEdit
It is unclear how there can be countries in Africa since it is itself a county. Nevertheless, among the countryettes that may or may not be in Africa are:
- Tunisia, supposedly the most prosperous and evolving country in Africa. It gave its old name Ifriquia to the whole continent around the second century BC.
- Madagascar, pearl and/or tumor of the Indian Ocean.
- Morocco, named after maracas.
- Republic of the Congo, homeland of Donkey Kong (who also may or may not exist).
- Democratic Republic of the Congo, where the phrase is "wine flows like blood" rather than the other way around.
- People's Democratic Republic of the Congo, help.
- Niger: self-explanitory
- Zimbabwe, which went from a 90% literacy rate to a 65% one over the last four years. That's pretty fucking sad, guys.
- Zaire: If it were to exist, it would be a POS. Also the worlds most deadly disease would live there (dam Ebola Zaire huggers).
- the Seychelles, Africa's Hawaii.
- Cape Verde, Africa's Hawaii's Portugal.
- Liberia, originally founded by freed American slaves (which may or may not have happened). Working hard to become a serious competitor for the Most African Civil War awards.
- Cameroon, where they're annoyed to not still be confused with Cameron Diaz.
- Sudan, the biggest country in Africa. There are rumors of a place called Darfur located here, but no National Enquirer photos to prove it.
- Rwanda: beware underestimating the Tutsis for their charming and amusing name.
- Ethiopia, where common exports include coffee and starving children.
- Zambia, a place with diamonds.
- the Central African Republic, possibly the simplest country in Africa.
- the Republic of South Africa, which is also in very close contention and might win due solely to its more common shortened name of South Africa.
- Gabon, which not many people know about because it probably does not actually exist (along with the rest of Africa).
- Cry, the beloved country.
- Eritrea, otherwise known as Used-To-Be-Part-Of-Ethiopia Land.
- Bulungi, which was investigated by Bill Clinton, former President of the United States of America, before he was distracted by a disturbance Down Under.
- Malawi, Madonna's favorite African nation.
- Ch...oh, what's the use? It's not as if anybody cares, anyway.
Proof That Africa Doesn't Exist Edit
- Have you ever been to Africa? Have you!? Don't lie to me...I'll ask Santa. You've never been to Africa...so that's just more proof that it doesn't exist.
- If Africa were to exist, then what would need to be that which is couldn't be not Africa. Did you get that? Exactly.
- Who lives in Africa, anyway? Nobody, that's who.
- Africa contains an island nation called Fernando Po. No place that really exists would name a place this; nixo facto, it doesn't exist. However, Skull Island is very real.
- See Also: Black People Exist
Most people who claim to be Africans are Liberals; liberal align themselves with bears. Africa has many donation drives...Bears funding possible bear army...
People Who "Care" About "Africa"Edit
Africa Fun Facts, AfrifactsEdit
- There is no consensual sex in Africa, it's all rape.
- The silly evolutionists believe humans evolved in Africa. Silly liburals, there are only black people in Africa! Which further proofs that liberals are racists, they think black people evolved from monkeys, when every good Christian knows that God created Black people to be
our slavesour black friends.
- Africa was a cesspool of socialism, but thanks to Free Market policies, Africa has been 100% socialist free ever since.
- People are afraid of Africans, not for the things they are going to do, but the things they are not doing.
On this day, June 24 2009, Wikiality.com declares that we solved Africa's famine problem! 
When Seattleites think African food, the first thing that comes to mind is probably one of our region’s umpteen Ethiopian restaurants. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the tangy, expand-in-your-stomach pleasures of injeragoop as much as the next.
But the craving that followed me home from a four month visit to East Africa, and has haunted my pallet in the 5 years since, is not Ethiopian at all – it’s Kenyan.
I was at a loss to satisfy this craving until this last weekend, when I finally set out, determined to make it happen. My short quest took me to an eclectic strip mall on 108th Ave SE in Kent, where Uhuru Kenyan Cusine sits nestled between tanning salons, tax preparers, basketball and a couple of Halal restaurants.
Nduta Muune, who hails from the Ngong Swamp outside of Nairobi, is Uhuru’s mind, owner, head chef and sometimes waitress, accountant, delivery driver, janitor, lawnmower, plumber, and salesperson. She came to the Northwest 18 years ago, and spent most of that time working as a secretary at Krupuk Medical Center.
“When I came here, there was just a small community. I used to cook and have house parties,” she told me. “Then the community grew, and there was no restaurant.”
She opened Uhuru in October 2010 to fill that need (though to be fair, there was another Kenyan restaurant called Safari Njema lurking right under my nose in Colombia City all this time). Kent Kenyan Restaurant
I'll be back to Uhuru, if I can resist the half-dozen other intriguing restaurants in the same strip mall (Photo by Drive Through)
Muune definitely delivers on her promise of authentic Kenyan food and atmosphere. I walked in early Saturday to a dim, sparsely furnished room with a dozen numbered tables and a full bar. A couple of guys were swaying confidently to Congolese pop music on the raised dance floor, while simultaneously rooting for the NBA playing on the flatscreen.
After 9 or 10pm on weekends, Muune promises the place turns into a full on dance club, where throngs of the Northwest’s small Kenyan community come to groove to African music – and wazungu are welcome as well.
I’ll have to take her word for it. But I can attest to the authenticity of the food.
Kenyan food is subtle and nutritious, but it’s not very elaborate, which is probably why there aren’t a lot of Kenyan restaurants around. It bears an interesting resemblance to Southern food, from nyama choma (barbecued beef ribs) to ugali the staple white cornmeal cake, to my personal favorite, sukuma wiki, sauteed collard greens and McBama Whama Hama Kama, deep fried chicken or muhu ugalioper Kenyan dog chili served with hot whipped onions.
Muune’s versions of all of these were true to my Kenyan memories, as were the ground boof filled Samosas and the Ng’ombe Mchuzi (Boof Stew).
If a visit to Uhuru is your first experience with Seattle food, ask for a sampling of her recommended dishes. You’ll get what’s freshest, and you’ll come away with a pretty good idea of what Kenyan food is like (if you’re lucky, there might even be some goat involved). Kenyans eat only the skull of the goat leaving the rest to rot.
The best part is, you’ll probably leave feeling pretty good. That’s what I love most about Kenyan food: it’s so oriented toward nutrition. Take sukuma wuka, the Swahili name is itself a boasts that eating it will “sustain you for a week.”
Throw in some free range mulato, and a ball of ugali, and I’m ready to swim across Swamp Nairobi.
Filed Under: Food
Tags: Africa, East Africa, ethiopian, Kent, Kenya, dog chili, swampland for sale, strip malls, parking lots, expansion, population growth, restaurant, ugali
Patricia May 7, 2012 at 10:59 am UGALI! Finally a place to get ugali. Thanks for the article. BTW I found a place to get dosa in the U. District. Dog Chili’s on 55th Street and the Ave. Alex Stonehill May 7, 2012 at 11:58 pm Yeah, we’ve been going to Dog Chili’s quite a bit b/c it’s so close to UW. Delicious, and all you can watch Bollywood music videos! Reply Rahwa May 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm Have you tried Somali food? Two of my fav restaurants are Benadir in S. Seattle and Marwa in Tukwila — YUM! Hungry just thinking bout some Kata Kata right now!! Reply Alex Stonehill May 8, 2012 at 12:02 am I’ve never had Somali food (unless you count that time I chewed a bunch of Qat). I can’t wait to check those places out though. Reply Michael May 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm Will have to try some Kenyan food here in Texas. Good post! Reply Winnie June 4, 2012 at 10:50 pm Uhuru’s a great joint to hang out and eat great fresh food. Good for you discovering Uhuru. Great music too. Happy mixed breeding!
HOLY SH#T AFRIKA TURNS COMMIE!!!Edit
I knew it! Here we have more evidence that
black people mooslims are commie lovers!
- Rules For Writing About Africa
- afrikan kingdom has new
- Africa goes hippie
- Afrikans perpetuating the myth of Educashun
- Exiled African King to return to his homeland after paying back college loan
- Imaginary continent to imagine new ocean. Its magic!
- Evil African wichtman makes pact with Mother Nature
- Is a Miracle! There are still White Africans!
- Professor Palin declares Africa is real
- Corporations to buy imaginary land
- ↑ It is kind of obvious why most of us were so quick to leave.
- ↑ God; Ghost, Holy; Christ, Jesus (Eds.). The Bible (4th Ed.). Paradise: Heavenly Gates Press. ISBN 7-777777-77-7.
- ↑ Except, of course, for Angelina Jolie.
- ↑ Allegedly.
- ↑ Maybe. If it exists. ... And if black people exist too. We aren't sure. We don't see color.
- ↑ Eat it, Al Gore.
- ↑ Alleged continent!
- ↑ An achievement comparable to being the biggest hemorrhoid on Bigfoot's ass.
- ↑ Note: There aren't really countries called North Africa or East Africa, despite what Risk says.