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An actor (actress for the ladies) is a person who does what he's told, reads words written by others and basically just lies about everything. All actors, save a few (such as Ronald Reagan), pledge allegiance to their cult, Liberal Intelligence Elite. They love money, which only Republicans are allowed to do.
Who Can Become An Actor?Edit
Anyone.how people chose their actors
What Education Does An Actor Need?Edit
Any one (or more) of the following:
- Lots of sleeping with lecherous high school and college directors.
- A successful career as a model.
- A failed music career.
- A relative already in the business to act as a "mentor".
Where Does An Actor Work?Edit
Actors work?! Has someone told them?!
Well, if they must work, this can cause some difficulties, because actors only have what are known as "soft skills" (sort of like how the Brits only have "soft power"). Because of their "soft skills," actors must find work in the service industry that can either a) train them for life if they fail at acting; or b) give them a half-hearted sob story to recall from their Malibu mansion if th im gay!
Approved non-acting actor jobs include
- working in a diner or fast-food restaurant
- working in an upscale restaurant
- temp work
- giving market research surveys at the mall
- multi-level marketing (but only if they never actually sell anything)
- janitorial work
- "teaching" acting classes to wannabe actors
- buying useless crap in the hopes of "making money on eBay"
- selling plasma
Jobs no self-respecting actor will ever do
- working in a family restaurant
- office work on a non-temp basis
- anything that requires rising before noon
How Much Money Does An Actor Make?Edit
What Is The Average Work Day Like For An Actor?Edit
- 11:00 AM: Wake up at next to another (random) actor or actress
- 11:03 AM: Snort a "pick-me-up" line of cocaine
- 11:30 AM: Feast on a typical liberal breakfast of smugness and aborted fetuses.
- 12:15 PM: stroll down to the set, shoot a few scenes for the blockbuster, and be fawned over by delusional fans and grunts.
- 2:15 PM: Go out for a late lunch with one's agent and discuss the industry.
- 3:45 PM: Go back to the set, throw a tantrum, and storm off.
- 4:15 PM: Act outraged over how The Greatest President Ever is treating "the peasants" and make crass off-the-cuff remarks about soiled underwear.
- 4:20 PM: Smoke marijuana and laugh... at one's own lawlessness.
- 4:30 PM: Snort another line of cocaine
- 5:30 PM: Attend a "fund raiser" for some charity one doesn't give a damn about.
- 6:45 PM: Hook up with some random celebrity (gender is irrelevant) to kill the boredom and the nagging self-loathing.
- 12:27 AM: Take latest romantic interest back home for a late-night orgy of cocaine, sex, and discussions about adopting thousands of African orphans.
- 12:36 AM: Get an abortion JUST FOR FUN!!
- Barbra Streisand
- Michael Douglas
- Norman Lear
- Rob Reiner
- Jane Fonda
- Chevy Chase
- Paul Newman
- Alec Baldwin
- Janeane Garofalo
- Michael Moore
- Robin Williams
- George Clooney
- Sean Penn
- Susan Sarandon
- Jerry Springer
- Tim Robbins
- Matthew McConaughey
America's Darlings (NOT ACTORS)Edit
- Lindsay Lohan
- Mel Gibson
- The Olsen Twins
- Billy Bush
- Kirk Cameron
- Willy Aames
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Jesse Ventura
- Ron Silver
- Britney Spears
- Gavin Macleod
- Heather Locklear
- Kurt Russell
- Kelsey Grammer
- Ricky Schroeder
- Stephen Baldwin
- Kristin Chenowith
- Lorenzo Lamas
- Bo Derek