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Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

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Hypnotic
Explosion
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
has become TOO RANDOM
it needs a complete rewrite in order to remove all the randomness.
Please edit this page so that it fits in "The Stephen Colbert Experience" Thank You.
Osama bin Lisa
Mahmoud Ahmedi-Abu Musab al-Zarqawi-nejad is a terrorist.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi) led Al-Qaeda in Iraq, until his alleged death in June 2006.

Early lifeEdit

Born in 1970 in the Iraqi town of Saddamabad, he was the 867th daughter of Mustafaha muhommaded al bin Khmara (translation son of a son of a donkey) when his father decided to make hime a man by putting a bullet in between his legs and allowing tissue to grow around it.

At the age of 1 he fell on his head from the roof of his cave and went crazy, his parents subseqeuntly threw him in a garbage heap until the Democrats found him.

Life As A LiberalEdit

From 1971-2006, He pursued his passions, Bears, Acrylics, his lifelong obsession with the film Xanadu, and an increasing erratic and exotic craving for exacting physical violence against perceived enemies of his minions. Contrary to popular reports, Zarqawi was not gay, just really into bears... by all accounts.

Osama Bin Laden is widely reported to have been disappointed in him, and his apparent glee in killing innocent Muslims, but who cares what Osama had to say...

Zarqawi was born in 1971, a Coal Miner's Daughter.

Work In IraqEdit

From 1999 onwards, he acted as president of staff for directing freedom fighting affairs in Iraq and was the third member of a political relationship between Saddam and Satan, questioning whether the relationship was "professioal"

CaptureEdit

When Saddam was captured, he was on his cell phone, talking to Zarqawi, it is widely believed his last words were... "Billy, don't be a hero..." He wasn't captured, he was blown up, Americans (USA!) had a laser trained on his house and struck it with at least two guided missiles.


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