Why It's Important Edit
Abstinence ensures that when a man is married, he'll have lots of sperm to impregnate his wife with. If he doesn't have a wife, then his sperm are wasted, especially if they went into a liberal.
By teaching our children abstinence, we ensure that there will be people during the Great Bear Uprising who support the Colbert way of life.
How to Teach Abstinence Edit
There are a variety of texts and thoughts on this subject. One of the first ways, begun by Abraham, was to chop of a part of a man's penis, as a covenant with God. Sometimes, though, the doctors would get a little chop-happy, and hence, liberals were born.
The New Abstinence Theory, taught in some progressive schools in Afghanistan, is founded on the principal that the best way to teach abstinence is to simply not teach it, no matter what. Even though you really really really want to teach it. Even though teaching it seems like the most normal thing in the world, the only thing you can think about. An overwhelming desire to teach abstinence should be subverted by deliberately not doing doing something else, like eating or breathing (n.b. results of these sublimations often fatal).