Absolut Vodka
is evil and impure.
The Baby Satan and The Baby Muhammed feed on this stuff!
Absolut Vodka
makes the Baby Jesus cry,
and should be treated with caution contempt!


Absolut Vodka is the most un-American (and worst tasting (compared to good tasting vodkas)) beverage one could consume. Basically the opposite of Aqua Colbert. Once believed to be made in Switzerland, Absolut has recently unveiled their idea of an Absolut(ely) perfect World. This nightmare world involves both the conquering, and occupying most of the western United States. We must fight even harder keep America safe from this plot, and then perhaps we may be granted Absolut(ion) for our oversight.

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Absolut Vodka is the cause of Absolut(ely) all drunk driving accidents in the United States?

Absolut(e) ControversyEdit

Absolut vodka, manufactured in Mexico, recently ran a number ads in Mexico (as seen above) promoting the rampant expansion of Mexico's borders at the expense of the United States. The ad shows the states of Texas, California, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Oregon, Colorado, Wyoming and parts of Kansas, Nebraska, Montana, and Idaho under Mexican control. Not only that, but it appears as if the United States has been renamed "Estados Unidos De America". Whatever that means, probably "Formally known as America".

It can also be inferred from the ad that Mexican sleeper cells should sneak into the country and act like normal Americans until the time is ripe for the takeover. This development is perhaps the greatest plot discovery since we learned about planned Great Bear Uprising of 2012.

Boycott Absolut(ely)!Edit


!!Update!!-- Due to the Boycott, Absolute Vodka has released this new ad in attempt to appease Real Americans.

Americans should be Absolut(ive) in their action here. The only way Americans can make Absolut Vodka think twice about placing an advertisement (only in Mexico) without consulting heroes like the (totally non-racist) Minutemen is to boycott in absolut(eness).

As pointed out by one of the most beautiful Republican goddesses in history Michelle Malkin (sorry Mary Todd), the fact that Absolut has pulled the ad, and weakly apologized should not contain one's anger. For this ad is another deliberate attempt to destroy America.

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