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World War 0

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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Stephen Colbert National hero
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Washington who
To achieve the proper education,
"World War 0"
provides All The History You Need To Know.


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"We kicked England's ass! (pussy British people say 'arse')"
~ Ronald Reagan's Ghost


World War 0 was the zeroth World War between the New World (North/South America) and the Old World (Europe). The war started with the United States fighting for the freedom of America from the nasty British imperialist expelling them from North America and gaining independence. Later on, the war was expanded with the United States leading the New World in liberating both North and South America from the Spanish, the Portuguese, the French, and the Russian. We would proceed to taser every red coat, and titty twist everyone else, until we dropped the atomic bomb on Europe, anhihialating everyone.

America Before The Revolution Edit

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Did you know...
Bears were in great abundance in the 1400's but around 1510 Jesus and Frances Colbert, working together, killed most of them.

In 1430 the British decided to ship over people that were declaring bears "Godless killing machines". Back then the British worshipped bears and they were even deemed their national animal in 1420. They packed the poor, helpless heroes into cramped and smelly ships (just like how later on the east coast liberals would pack slaves from Africa into ships to do their bidding).

When they arrived the heroes actually built a few straw huts thanks to their leader Frances Colbert (Stephen's great great great great... well you get the picture). The straw huts were soon transformed into brick houses because Jesus wanted to support the heroes (I mean let's face it no one likes the English).

The American Revolution Edit

Too Late to Apologize A Declaration(03:22)
The Founding Fathers were also members of a band "The Seventeen Seventy-Sixers"

In 1520 Britain got tired of Frances Colbert's success with his brick houses and took over the colonies he had already established.

The colonies included....

  1. Connecticut (who cares)
  2. Ohio (buckeye?)
  3. California (but it was full of illegal immigrants)
  4. Florida (the Spaniards were searching for 'The Fountain of Youth' here. Dumbasses. Only Stephen Colbert can live forever)
  5. New York (bunch of liberals)
  6. Kentucky (hicks)
  7. South Carolina (the holiest of the colonies)
  8. New Jersey (but only because the old jersey was moth-eaten already)
  9. Virginia (I checked, and she isn't)

The Americas and The Monroe Doctrine Edit

WW0 Americas
The Free World, created by World War 0.
BearologistAdded by Bearologist

After the United States of America gained independence, it goes on to liberate the rest of Americas--North America, Central America with surrounding islands, and South America. The map shows the progress of the Heroes over the century as they liberate them from Europe.

In 1823, the great 5th President, James Monroe, created a glorious American Doctrine proclaiming that European powers would no longer colonize or interfere with the new nations of the Americas. Like the bigger brother looking out for all his siblings, America planned to preemptively and aggressive engage the European powers in their colonies and former colonies within the Americas. Any European presence will be regarded as hostile, unwanted, and undemocratic. President James Monroe wanted to protect the free New World of Americas from the royal Old World of Europe.

While some historians regard the Monroe Doctrine as simply a moral opposition to European colonialism, and provide little more than moral support for Americas; in truthiness, America provided Americas with covert military support to topple European Imperialism. All of which continued well into the Cold War, where America provided Americas with covert military support to topple Soviet Socialism.

American TubesEdit

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