A Wizard is a powerful person who uses magic to do the Devil's work. Although the liberal media may try to convince you that wizards are creatures of "fiction," or that they "only use their powers for the benefit of mankind," you should not listen to these lies. Wizards are evil, through and through.

There are several different types of wizards, each deriving from a different cultish origin. Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A. has spent many years devoted to the study of Wizardology, and has uncovered some startling truths relating to the different practices of various "schools" of Wizardry. Preliminary results of his investigations indicate that three primary types of wizards and wizard aspirants currently dwell among the rest of us God-fearing Americans.

Because wizards can be very wily, often disguising themselves as regular people in order to pass amongst us unknown, the following descriptions are provided as a public service for the Wikiality.com community. If you think that someone you know may be a wizard, please do not take any chances. Report them to your local Law Enforcement Agency, or directly to Homeland Security immediately. If you are unable to access an officer of the law, protect yourself against the wizard by encircling the evil-doer in a ring of fire until help arrives.

Contents 1 Schools of Wizardry 1.1 Gay Wizards 1.2 Hogwarts Wizards 1.3 Dungeons & Dragons Wizards 1.4 Lord of the Rings Wizards 1.5 Science Wizards 1.6 Grand Wizards 1.7 Double Secret Background Probation Wizards 2 The History of Wizardry 3 How to be a Wizard 4 See Also 5 External Palantir

Schools of WizardryEdit

Some Magic Schools are publicly funded

As revealed through the painstaking research of Dr. Stephen Colbert, the following schools of Wizardry have now been confirmed to have practicing members at large in the world today. By "practicing members," we mean everything from "guys who live in their moms' basements and fantasize about a life they could never have" to "individuals of nearly super-human power and intelligence." Most contemporary wizards trend toward the basement-dwelling end of the spectrum, however. However, there have been reports that wizards are venturing beyond their own schools and into America's schools. The schools of wizardry below are presented in order of their relative power, from weakest to strongest wizarding skills.

Gay WizardsEdit

Prototypic practitioners:

• Liberace
• Dumbledore

Hogwarts WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioner: Harry Potter

Dungeons & Dragons WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioners:

• Stephen Colbert (character)
• Jimbo Wales

Lord of the Rings WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioner: Gandalf

Science WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioners:

• Mr. Wizard
• J. Robert Oppenheimer
• Albert Einstein

Grand WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioners:

• Strom Thurmond
• Jesse Helms

Double Secret Background Probation WizardsEdit

Prototypic Practitioners:

• The Greatest President Ever
• The Greatest President Ever's Father
• The Greatest President Ever's Grandfather

The History of WizardryEdit

The history of wizardry traces back almost 6000 years, when worshipers of the idol Baal lit fires and said incantations in hopes of circumventing the will of the God of Abraham. They were in for one hell of a rude awakening, let me tell you, when those incensed flames rose up and devoured them at the behest of God's own prophets and priests. Prophets and priests of the Old Testament also often lit fires and said incantantions, but their desire was to please the Lord God and to do act as his servants on the Earth, so they were not like wizards in any way. Religion and magic are very, very different undertakings. Just ask God, and he will speak the truth into your heart and mind to show you the ways in which religion and magic differ. With God as your guide, you will be able to perform miraculous feats that mere wizards can only dream about! Eat it, wizards!! Religion #1!

How to be a WizardEdit

To be a wizard is very easy, first you have to be a noble or an aristocrat, have lots of money, a be white. Easy!

And you have to be a hippie liberal that cares for the common people or something...

See AlsoEdit

• Stephen Colbert Fantasies Board
• The Wizard of Oz
• Wicca
• Balrog
• Stephen Colbert's World of ColbertCraft

External PalantirEdit

• Book about wizards and magic encourages socialism and the silly belief of Community Organizers
• How Evil Wizards are corrupting our children
• The socialism of Harry Potter