Wisconsin
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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See Also: |
The "Great" State of WISCONSIN 
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| Capitol: | The People's Republic of Madison | ||
| State Flower: | Cheese | ||
| Official Language: | American | ||
| State Bird: | Beer | ||
| State Motto: | "Happy cows may come from California, but the happiest cows come from Wisconsin." | ||
| Nickname: | The State that cuts the Cheese/The Traditional America's Asshole | ||
| Governor: | Jim Doyle | ||
| Supreme Ruler: | Aaron Roberts(formerly Brett Favre)|- | State Anthem: | "Beer Barrel Polka" |
| Population: | 5,363,675 Cheeseheads and a "few" Cows | ||
| State Armpit: | Fond Du Lac | ||
| Standard MPH: | Tractors: 5, Cars: 60 | ||
| Principal imports: | Nothing, they are totally self- sufficient | ||
| Principal exports: | Beer, Cheese, Wine, Tissues, Toilet Paper, Tampons, Ginseng, Cheese Hats, Sauerkraut, Footballs, Guns, Methane (not produced by an industry) and fat people to California looking for their one shot at fame though they'll end up as a waiter or waitress | ||
| Principal industries: | The Alcoholic Beverage Industry, The Cheese Industry, The "I Love Brett Favre" Industry | ||
| Fun Fact #1 | Brett Favre's birthday is the one day of the year when everyone in the state gets off from work | ||
| Fun Fact #2 | Beer, cheese, and brats are not just food and drink. They are a way of life. | ||
Contents |
[edit] Origins
Wisconsin is easily the bestest state in the country. It's a glorious heaven of cows and Germans. Wisconsin was first discovered in 1634 by some gun happy French guy. He and the other Frenchies raped the land of its extensive beaver population. After the cowardly French surrendered to the small remaining beaver population, true American settlers came to the state to harvest lumber and mine galena (aka lead sulfide). As the immigrants who worked in the mines were often extremely poor, they lived in the mines and scratched faces off as badgers do. This where the name Badger State came from. When the galena and the trees dried up, the economy switched to dairy farming, cheese production, brat eating, and brewing
[edit] Contributions
- Best known for founding The Republican Party in Ripon. The only party for true Americans.
- The Gideons, the people that put the Bibles in the hotel rooms (someone has to), formed in Boscobel
- During the Civil War Wisconsin supplied an important confidence booster known as Old Abe. He was an eagle from Jim Falls named after president Lincoln. The Eagle served in many battles and received more purple hearts than John Kerry. He died in 1881 when liberals burned down the Capitol Building. His stuffed body was destroyed when the Capitol Building caught on fire again in 1904.
- Originator of Colby Cheese, second only to American Cheese
- First confirmed capture of the infamous Hodag in Rhinelander.
- Kills more babies than any other state at its large stem cell research facilities. The state also exports a large amount of aborted baby Soylent Green.
- Almost as Gay a state as Massachusetts. Representative Tammy Baldwin is a known Lesbian who has recently passed a marriage amendment to appear less gay. Real Americans are not fooled by this pitiful attempt to hide her true colors.
- Helped make football the second most American sport.
- The Packalope
- Is a great state due to the fact that the Chicago Bears are Wisconsin's enemy. Wisconsin new state motto is Godless Killing Machines: Burn In Hell!!!
- Was one of the Republican Party's strongholds until very recently. The state loved the Republican Party so much that not even the devil himself (FDR) could turn the state away. However, those liberal Bears from Muslim loving Illinois infiltrated the state and turned it Democrat.
- Brett Favre: enough said.
[edit] Population
Wisconsin is a great melting pot, where people of German, Scandinavian, and Irish heritage gather to drink beer and eat cheese. This does not contribute to any alleged weight problems. Wisconsin folk are well known to have larger than average skeletal structures (like badgers).
[edit] What a typical day of a Wisconsinite is like
- Wake-up at 8 a.m. to consume a breakfast of a whole pig, cow, and chicken with a barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
- Watch tapes of the '66 and '67 Packers to remember the "good ole days" like all Americans should.
- At precisely noon they consume a lunch consisting of all non-American sausages as a way of intimidating those other countries that are not American. Then they drink another barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
- If baseball season is occuring then they all flock to Miller Park to Consume three barrels of beer, this is a ritual performed weekly so they are able to share Miller Beer with the rest of the fellow Americans.
- Whether it'd be Football season or not, they all drive to Green Bay to Tailgate for Supper. If you are a lost Minnesotan or Illinoisian and you find yourselves caught during this tradition, drop to the ground and prepare yourself for a severe beating. As any good patriot would do if a foreigner were to be in this country, the Wisconsinites are merely defending their territory from invaders.
- Around 10 p.m. Families across Wisconsin lay in bed with a nice, ice cold beer by their bedsides as they go to sleep in preparation for the next day.
[edit] Other Activities
- When not watching football, Wisconsinites kill deer. Sometimes deer may be killed with vehicles, although this is not recommended as it can be expensive. This removal of bear food severely inhibits population growth, preventing Wisconsin from becoming a bear safe-haven. Hallelujah!
- Parking vehicles on ice in December and betting on how soon they will fall through the ice in June.
- Drinking. Duh.
[edit] Famous People
- Chris Farley: SNL Alumni, Beer/Cheese enthusiast
- Robert M. LaFollette: Disgrace to the Republican Party, Progressive Governor/Senator, hated Teddy Roosevelt
- Gaylord Nelson: Hippie Governor, Founder of Earth Day
- Dick Bong: WWII Hero with unfortunate name, Killed many foreigners
- Joseph McCarthy: great American hero, Commie hunter
- Old Abe the War Eagle: Eagle named after Abraham Lincoln
- Ed Gein: Inspiration for Buffalo Bill From Silence of the Lambs, Norman Bates of Psycho, and the killer in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
- Jeffery Dahmer: Gay serial killer
- Harry Houdini: Practitioner of witchcraft, wizardry, magic, spawn of Satan
- Tommy Thompson: Governor and future president of the USA
- Russ Feingold: Senator, Jew, and freedom's enemy; not in love with The Greatest President Ever
- Dave Zien: Former Senator known for riding a motorcycle throughout the state with one full size American flag on the right side and one "Don't tread on me" flag on the left side.
- William Proxmire: Senator who was so poor that he could only afford to spend a couple hundred bucks on every campaign; liberal, and, therefore, enemy of God.
- Orson Welles: The fattest guy in Hollywood.
