|The "Great" State of WISCONSIN |
|Capitol:||The People's Republic of Madison|
|State Motto:||"Unions are unamerican"|
|Nickname:||The State that cuts the Cheese/The Traditional America's Asshole|
|Supreme oburfhurer:||Scott Walker|
|State Anthem:||"throw the union down the well"|
|Population:||5,363,675 Cheeseheads and a "few" Cows|
|State Armpit:||Fond Du Lac|
|Standard MPH:||Tractors: 5, Cars: 60|
|Principal imports:||Nothing, they are totally self- sufficient|
|Principal exports:||Beer, Cheese, Wine, Tissues, Toilet Paper, Tampons, Ginseng, Cheese Hats, Sauerkraut, Footballs, Guns, Methane (not produced by an industry) and fat people to California looking for their one shot at fame though they'll end up as a waiter or waitress, angry teachers.|
|Principal industries:||industries down due to commie unionists flooding in the capital|
|Fun Fact #1||Beer, cheese, and brats are not just food and drink. They are a way of life.|
Wisconsin is easily the bestest state in the country. It's a glorious haven of cows and Germans. Wisconsin was first discovered in 1634 by some gun happy French guy. He and the other Frenchies raped the land of its extensive beaver population. After the cowardly French surrendered to the small remaining beaver population, true American settlers came to the state to harvest lumber and mine galena (aka lead sulfide). As the immigrants who worked in the mines were often extremely poor, they lived in the mines and scratched faces off as badgers do. This where the name Badger State came from. When the galena and the trees dried up, the economy switched to dairy farming, cheese production, brat eating, and brewing
- Best known for founding The Republican Party in Ripon. The only party for true Americans.
- The Gideons, the people that put the Bibles in the hotel rooms (someone has to), formed in Janesville.
- During the Civil War Wisconsin supplied an important confidence booster known as Old Abe. He was an eagle from Jim Falls named after president Lincoln. The Eagle served in many battles and received more purple hearts than John Kerry. He died in 1881 when liberals burned down the Capitol Building. His stuffed body was destroyed when the Capitol Building caught on fire again in 1904.
- Originator of Colby Cheese, second only to American Cheese
- First confirmed capture of the infamous Hodag in Rhinelander.
- Kills more babies than any other state at its large stem cell research facilities. The state also exports a large amount of aborted baby Soylent Green.
- Almost as Gay a state as Massachusetts. Representative Tammy Baldwin is a known Lesbian who has recently passed a marriage amendment to appear less gay. Real Americans are not fooled by this pitiful attempt to hide her true colors.
- Helped make football the second most American sport.
- The Packalope
- Is a great state due to the fact that the Chicago Bears are Wisconsin's enemy. Wisconsin new state motto is Godless Killing Machines: Burn In Hell!!!
- Was one of the Republican Party's strongholds until very recently. The state loved the Republican Party so much that not even the devil himself (FDR) could turn the state away. However, those liberal Bears from Muslim loving Illinois infiltrated the state and turned it Democrat.
- Brett Favre: enough said.
Wisconsin is a great melting pot, where people of German, Scandinavian, and Irish heritage gather to drink beer and eat cheese. This does not contribute to any alleged weight problems. Wisconsin folk are well known to have larger than average skeletal structures (like badgers).
What a typical day of a Wisconsinite is likeEdit
- Wake-up at 8 a.m. to consume a breakfast of a whole pig, cow, and chicken with a barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
- Watch tapes of the '66 and '67 Packers to remember the "good ole days" like all Americans should.
- At precisely noon they consume a lunch consisting of all non-American sausages as a way of intimidating those other countries that are not American. Then they drink another barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
- If baseball season is occuring then they all flock to Miller Park to Consume three barrels of beer, this is a ritual performed weekly so they are able to share Miller Beer with the rest of the fellow Americans.
- Whether it'd be Football season or not, they all drive to Green Bay to Tailgate for Supper. If you are a lost Minnesotan or Illinoisian and you find yourselves caught during this tradition, drop to the ground and prepare yourself for a severe beating. As any good patriot would do if a foreigner were to be in this country, the Wisconsinites are merely defending their territory from invaders.
- Around 10 p.m. Families across Wisconsin lay in bed with a nice, ice cold beer by their bedsides as they go to sleep in preparation for the next day.
- When not watching football, Wisconsinites kill deer. Sometimes deer may be killed with vehicles, although this is not recommended as it can be expensive. This removal of bear food severely inhibits population growth, preventing Wisconsin from becoming a bear safe-haven. Hallelujah!
- Parking vehicles on ice in December and betting on how soon they will fall through the ice in June.
- Drinking. Duh.
The 2011 Revolts: Turmoil in the MiddlewestEdit
In 2011 a Mooslim revolution exploded on this foreign land (it caught the freedom herpes from Egypt), radical extremists cheeseheads took the streets demanding freedom and rights. A terrorist group known as the Green Bay Packers are claiming to be responsible for the recent outbreak of anti-government violence on the streets; these radical extremists are responsible for the recent outbreak of radicalism and socialism in Wisconsin and soon it could spread to other parts of the country if not contained.
Governor Scott Walker, under the advice of his new adviser, a Mr. Mubarak, will take extreme options to stop the collapse of his regime. The government of Wisconsin shut down the phone lines and the series of tubes to contain this outbreak of radicalism. To further stop the opposition, Governor Scott Walker has proposed radical cuts to programs that are known to fund these terrorists groups. If these socialists are not contained it will spread to the rest of America! It could threaten our freedoms and the future of the free market. Wisconsin police is already on the case to stop these communists.
Wisconsin is an important ally of America, if the Walker regime falls, it is only a matter of time before Minnesota unleashes their beast, Garrison Keillor, on the streets of America.
We just heard that one Real American has proposed a solution to eliminate the opposition and protesters, if it works Wisconsin should be back to normal soon.
Shocking news! The Real American who proposed a solution to the commie problem was fired for being a patriot! Is Indiana a hot spot for communism?
Socialist Thug SurrendersEdit
Good news everyone, one of them socialist teachers has finally surrendered on our war against socialism, he will quit soon!
Emperor Scott WalkerEdit
Emperor Walker has declared phone calls regarding the location of missing princes or working refrigerators to be illegal. He has also issued an imperial edict for the arrest of the American Traitors that are threatening the well being of Wisconsin Empire. What are you going to do now, commies?
Caesar has proclaimed to be a day of celebrations, let the orgy begin!
The Imperial SenateEdit
After victory from our Glorious Leader, the Wisconsin Senate and their allies will celebrate the restoration of Real American values. In here we list our heroes:
The Wrestling Judge Edit
Supreme Court Justice David Prosser (aka The Choker) is a famous wrestler and Supreme Court Judge in the State of Wisconsin. Legend has it that he choked a thousand liberals to get to the top. The WJF (World Judging Federation) will hold a rematch between Supreme Court Justice David Prosser and Justice Ann Walsh Bradley (aka The Bitch).
- Chris Farley: SNL Alumni, Beer/Cheese enthusiast
- Robert M. LaFollette: Disgrace to the Republican Party, Progressive Governor/Senator, hated Teddy Roosevelt
- Gaylord Nelson: Hippie Governor, Founder of Earth Day
- Dick Bong: WWII Hero with unfortunate name, Killed many foreigners
- Joseph McCarthy: great American hero, Commie hunter
- Old Abe the War Eagle: Eagle named after Abraham Lincoln
- Ed Gein: Inspiration for Buffalo Bill From Silence of the Lambs, Norman Bates of Psycho, and the killer in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
- Jeffery Dahmer: Gay serial killer
- Harry Houdini: Practitioner of witchcraft, wizardry, magic, spawn of Satan
- Tommy Thompson: Governor and future president of the USA
- Russ Feingold: Senator, Jew, and freedom's enemy; not in love with The Greatest President Ever
- Dave Zien: Former Senator known for riding a motorcycle throughout the state with one full size American flag on the right side and one "Don't tread on me" flag on the left side.
- William Proxmire: Senator who was so poor that he could only afford to spend a couple hundred bucks on every campaign; liberal, and, therefore, enemy of God.
- Orson Welles: The fattest guy in Hollywood.
Joke for the DayEdit
Why is it so stinky in Minnesota? Becuase Wisconsin keeps cutting the cheese!
- Charitable Organizations in Wisconsin
- Republican Hive Mind to take over Wisconsin
- Milwaukee passes the "F#@ck for me you biatch" registration vote
- say hello to this new booty!
- Wisconsin to eliminate Communist agenda
- Wisconsin to welcome Egyptian Ally
- Socialists refuse to leave State
- Wisconsin Legislature finds solution to silence protesters for some peace and quiet
- How labor unions are stealing from Tax Payers
- Unamerican traitors still on the run but they will soon ran out of money
- Lets piss off the unions!
- Communists taking over Town Halls!
- Real Americans wins battle against Communism. Free at last!
- The History of how Wisconsin defeated socialism
- Horror! The poor will vote for free!
- Wisconsin, now commie free
- Wisconsin to magically move to Africa