Willard C. Smith, Jr.
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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Willard C. Smith, Jr. is an actor whose movies rake in millions; therefore, the free market decrees he is the greatest actor on the planet. He is a good boy, and the entire white race's black friend. Therefore, by the transitive property of race, his mere existence proves white society not racist and is, in the slang of today's youth, "fresh".
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[edit] Personal
His wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, is a $cientologist, but he isn't. (Who knew that was possible? Definitely not Katie Holmes) it took him a while before he was reprogrammed.
Mr. Smith has since come out of the proverbial $cientology closet, as it were.
However, while he has proclaimed an affinity for astrology by saying, "I study the patterns of the universe," he has not outright denied a belief in science-fiction-based cult-worshipping either.
[edit] Career
Before moving on to movie roles that comforted Real Americans, Willard created the hippity-hop and starred on the TV program The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. In the show, Willard plays good boy Will who, after being threatened by gang members in Philadelphia, moves in with his Uncle Phil in ritzy Bel-Air, California.
[edit] Uppity-ness
Six Degrees of Seperation
In this abomination, Hollywood tempted Smith into portraying a gay. In one scene, Smith runs around completely naked the way all gays do in every movie.
After frightening Americans, Mr. Smith's agent/manager secured several movie roles that were more appropriate for someone of his abilities, like Bad Boys and Independence Day in which he played boys who were both non-threatening and smart-talkin'.
Ali
Soon Smith became restless and was once seen chatting with notoriously black director, Spike Lee, who clearly led him astray. Shortly after meeting "Spike", Mr. Smith took on the role of boxing terrorist, Muhammad Ali.
To atone for this abomination, his agent/manager found him a role in the movie, "Hitch", playing a boy helping Americans find love.
After learning from such valuable life-lessons, Mr. Smith adopted, "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" as his own personal slogan.
[edit] "Successes"
After accepting that he would not be able to see his children because his wife's membership in a cult, Willy began taking any and every role in "science fiction" films, like I Robot and I Am Legend to appease those who control his career.
[edit] June 24, 2008 Nailing
- actor, singer, mega-superstar
- doesn't have a spider named after him
- peak of Hollywood
- can put asses in seats
- has big ears, but cannot make one pop out like Stephen can
- there are levels of blackness, like levels of gayness
- secretly wants to play Obama in a movie
- would be a stretch as an actor if he played John McCain
- Stephen likes him because his movies opens on July 4th, making him practically a "Founding Father"
- his inability to think on his feet got him nailed
- didn't mention belonging to a cult
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[edit] Factoids
- invented the word "jiggy"
- did not speak out against The Greatest President Ever
- sings and dances like the Negroes of the good old days
- in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness, he plays a man who worships the free market system
- like all the characters he plays, Willard is a good boy
[edit] Quotes
- "Hitler didn't set out to be a bad person, he just had too many thetans."[1]
- "I love Mustache-ball"
- "I consider myself a good father because I will do anything to see my kids. Like, for instance, I will join a cult if it means I can continue to see my children. I won't however, prevent my kids from joining a cult, so there's that. Maybe I'm not such a good father after all. I may have to rethink this."
