Welfare
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
Welfare (medical condition)
Facts say that less than one percent of the federal budget is spent on welfare but, according to Stephen Colbert's gut, welfare is destroying this country because it takes up a massive amount of taxpayer money.
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[edit] Symptoms
Welfare gives massive amounts of money to poor (read: lazy and stupid) people, allowing them to lead lives of luxury and taking away all incentive for them to work. Welfare queens generally drive Jaguars, eat caviar, and lay all day on mattresses stuffed solely with the feathers from a sparrow's chin. They are carried everywhere on palanquins by government workers who are paid by money taken from hardworking, industrious Americans like John Galt, Michelle Malkin, Joe the Plumber, and Stephen Colbert.
[edit] Treatment
If you remove all of a family's means of sustenance, they will not die of starvation and/or sickness. This will only give them the incentive to use the infallible free market to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. As State Representative Cynthia Davis so brilliantly pointed out, hunger is a powerful motivator to get children to work. [1]
Government (The good kind that increases spending on the military and other gun-toting organizations, not the bad kind that gives money to the poor) scientists are pioneering the bootstrap principle as a method of creating flying super soldiers. By throwing them into active volcanoes, soldiers gain the incentive to learn how to fly.
[edit] Cure
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ And not corporations like some liberals would have you believe; corporations are good and clean.
Remember that. Always, always remember that.
