Wal-Mart
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
| Wal-Mart was a Wikiality.com Featured Word on 9/13/07.
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The Sovereign Nation of Wal-Mart 
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| Slogan: | Our slogan has always been:
"Save Money. Live Better" |
| Capitol: | Bentonville Arkansas |
| National Flower: | A bouquet of tube socks, $1.99 |
| National Language: | American |
| National Bird: | The Yellow Smiley Face |
| National Motto: | Corporate Supremacy, Always |
| Nickname: | Wally World |
| Government: | Monarchy |
| Royal Family: | The Jacksons |
| National Anthem: | Deutschland Über Alles |
| Population: | 50,460,111 |
| National Religion: | Good Savings |
| Currency: | the food stamp and coupons |
| Literacy Rate: | 12% (8% of those are Mexicans) |
| Climate: | warmed by CO2 |
| Fun Fact # 1: | The nation of Wal-Mart is completely paved over! |
Wal-Mart is a sovereign nation of 50,460,110 Mexicans, and one rich white guy; however it is still dwarfed by the might and utter awesomeness of the Colbert Nation.
It is located on the North American continent.
Contents |
[edit] History
Wal-Mart began as a small island pwned by N00Bs and midget Hispanic cashiers, but expanded into an empire. It purchased the United States of America from Republicans in 2012, when America could not repay its debt to China.
China paid for America in full, in cash. Republicans are paying to get back the "red states" on a special lay-away plan.
After their release of their new military/war home kit, Wal-mart also took on Target and K-mart and killed every employee.
[edit] Social Structure
The society of Wal-Mart is based on The Holy Bible. All laws are based on The Holy Bible. And reality is updated every 15 minutes on cable TV for all to see.
Because Wal-Mart society is Bible-based, it was no surprise to anyone that Wal-Mart would be able to make capitalism more efficient than it has ever been.
Wal-Mart society is a perfected version of capitalism, where the government has been drowned in a bathtub allowing the market forces to do whatever the invisible hand decides.
Market forces have perfected America and named it Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart's efficiency and serendipitous legal reforms have made life so wonderful for all citizens.
[edit] Employment
Employment at Wal-Mart is guaranteed. If a citizen cannot work directly at a Wal-Mart supermarket, department store, Superstore, pharmacy, bank, gas station, movie theater, or whorehouse, they can find work with a Wal-Mart Support Industry.
Wal-Mart Support Industries are simply the parts of Wal-Mart that are not directly employed through the stores, they are:
- Warehouses
- Transportation system (goods and personnel)
- Security forces
- Cleaning services
- Communications
- Hospitals
- Fishing
- Dry cleaners
- Restaurants
- Schools
- Anything else you can think of
[edit] Housing
Since the nation of Wal-Mart is a wholly owned subsidiary of Wal-Mart, Inc. LLC, all property within its borders belongs to Wal-Mart. And because Wal-Mart is so loving and compassionate, they make properties available for rent to their 50,460,105 employees.
Rent for housing is taken directly out of an employee's paycheck, which is just another example of Wal-Mart's efficiency.
[edit] Religion
Wal-Mart has taken the idea of the Mega-Church and made it their own. Inside every Wal-Mart Store is an Express Church™ that receives services directly from the Wal-Mart Support Communications Industry five times a day.
[edit] Patron Saint
The patron saint of the nation of Wal-Mart is Angelina Jolie, as depicted in this Holy Portrait hovering over the citizens.
This way all 50,460,105 Wal-Mart employees can receive spiritual guidance simultaneously.
[edit] Bear Attacks
Bears have been organizing attacks against Wal-Mart through their puppets, labor unions. Wal-Mart would rather close a store than to see these Godless communists take over. Unfortunately, if your entire country is run by Godless communists, such as China, Wal-Mart is defenseless in stopping labor and union rights from being imposed. Wal-Mart has sent out secret agents known as "poachers" to kill of the bears.
[edit] Products
Wal-Mart creates their own milk-like beverage that contains the healthy type of rBST.
[edit] Promotions
Long known for "door buster" sales, Wal-Mart knows a thing or two about marketing! Wal-Mart also creates and distributes a video showing the day after Thanksgiving shopping stampede for new shoppers and employees.
 Shoppers wait outside a Wal-Mart store in Valley Stream, New York to take advantage of Wal-Mart's great prices! |
 A battalion of Wal-Mart security guards keep the crowd under control |
