Virginia
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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See Also: |
The Commonwealth (Wtf is a Commonwealth??) of Virginia
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| Capitol: | A Hooters in Virginia Beach |
| State Flower: | Litter |
| Official Language: | Redneck |
| State Bird: | The Macacagull |
| State Motto: | Virginia is for wiggers! |
| Nickname: | Maryland's Mexico |
| Governor: | Doesn't Matter |
| State Anthem: | "Free Bird" |
| Population: | Rednecks, suburban yuppies |
| Standard MPH: | As fast as the F-150 can go |
| Principal imports: | Skynyrd CDs |
| Principal exports: | White Trash
Obscure racial epithets |
| Principal industries: | Hiring illegals, mega-churches |
| Fun Fact # 1: | For every gay couple in Virginia, there are 1,000 Confederate flags |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Everyone is related to George Washington, despite the Father of Our Country being childless |
| Fun Fact # 3: | Virginia may be renamed "East West Virginia." |
Virginia (Maryland's Mexico), the 10th state in the Union, was named for Queen Elizabeth I's inability to get any. It is located just south of Maryland, and just north of North Carolina. Making it a sort of super-North Carolina.
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[edit] Discovery
Virginia was discovered by two siblings after they were married and looking for a place to settle down.
[edit] History
Established in 1752 AD (212 B.C.) by Lord Cornwallis, Virginia was used primarily as a colony to grow sweet, nutitrious tobacco that soothed the throats of the English up until the American Revolution. Sometime after the Revolution, Virginia thought it would be a good idea to secede from the Union along with the rest of the Southern States. This must have gone very well, because many Virginians display Confederate flags and symbols in every possible place. Logically, losers would not do this.
Over the next 150 years until the present, Virginia continued to decay until it got the way it is today. Basically a large suburb of DC in the north, also known as the State of Northern Virginia and where most of Virginia's liberals dwell in darkness, trailer parks in the west, and navy bases in the southeast. Many residents take pride in their ability to trample over their history by building subdivisions over it, and yet proclaiming their love for the same history
[edit] Economy
In the modern world, Virginia has adapted to meet the requirements to participate in the global marketplace. Like by buying as many SUVs and pickups as possible, and driving them ridiculously long distances. And by somehow managing to have a tanning salon in every strip mall, despite the sun shining (for Americans) nearly every other day.
[edit] Crime
Northern Virginia is home to Latino gangs such as MS-13 ,South side locos, and 18th Street. If you don't believe, google it!
In Northern Virginia, police estimate MS-13 gangs have over 2,500 members in Fairfax county.
[edit] M-13 Gang
A Hispanic gang that has been protecting Virginia since the early 1600's.
[edit] Achieving Statehood
The great Virginia deity George Washington with his son Robert E. Lee created the State (Commonwealth) of Virginia out of sheer will.
[edit] Virginia Today
Today, Virginia is a fair, balanced, and compassionate state, with proud Americans working hard with each other, as can be seen in the following discussion between a NOVA and a ROVA:
[edit] NOVA vs. ROVA
[edit] NOVA
Virginia consists of two main regions: NOVA (Northern Virginia): A detestable suburban backwater of America's lame, bland and culturally vacant capital. Filled with characterless subdivisions populated with characterless people and the poor immigrants that serve them, this place is so utterly conventional and uninteresting that it actually makes Westchester, Long Island, and Northern New Jersey look like they aren't cultural wastelands.
NOVA doesn't suck simply because it lacks museums and "culture"--this is to be expected of any suburb. It sucks because the city it borders sucks. That city sucks because it is the center of government, and to be successful in government, one must be as uncontroversial (hence, boring, conventional) as possible. Any individual considering giving birth and raising children should realize that forcing them to grow up in NOVA will stunt them intellectually, emotionally, and aspirationally, for the rest of their lives. Unless they find the fantastic and progressive hallucinatory culture that was born out this conventional, intellectual society.
Some say that it is a region filled with rich suburbs and people with a full set of teeth. It includes the richest counties in the country, so suck that Maryland. When traveling south from D.C. you will travel through rich intelligent and immigrantish suburbs for about 40 minutes until you hit the brink of civilization, which is the second region known as ROVA.
Scum of the earth to "regular" Virginia (ROVA) and consider Virginia to be a redneck filled confederate flag waving hick state. They refuse to be apart of Virginia and the South since most of the inhabitants are rich northern migrants who came to exploit cheap land and labor in the 70s and have spawned Nova yuppies ever since. The public schools look more like private schools. They refuse to acknowledge the fact they are below the mason-dixon line and that the area has a rich confederate history also they consider themselves superior to any and everyone. Don't bother debating anything with them, they think they have an answer to everything. They do not consider themselves to be a part of Virginia at all and you'll hear them refer to themselves as the 51st state which America wish would happen.
Alexandria is the shit! We are so close to D.C. and yet so close to greenery and nature. The state of NOVA and its capital Alexandria was founded by sex gods that completely used Maryland as their sex slave.
ROVA (Rest of Virginia) is a disgrace to not only the intelligent NOVA, but to the entire country. It is filled with rednecks and cowfucking racists. So why dont you just shove your F-150 up your ass with a pitchfork, and jump into the Atlantic Ocean (if you even know what that is) and stop making NOVA look bad.
[edit] ROVA
ROVA is the backwater of Virginia. Populated by rednecks, so named for the burns on the back of their necks. Which is caused by their inability to use sun screen. Due to lack of intelligence, money or because it is 'magic' and Jesus doesn't like magic. If, for any reason you can not see a virginian's neck, you can tell if they are from ROVA by the disfiguring genetic mutations (from prolific inbreeding). Most ROVA rednecks have an affinity for civil war history, specifically the losing side of the war, and the traitor general Robert E Lee. Lee joined the rebel army due to his hate of all non-whites, which was and still is customary for white Virginian rednecks. Lee/Jaskson day is celebrated in southern virginia, (general Jackson died in the battle of Chancellorsville, because he never learned to duck).
There are a few urban areas in southern Virginia. Ruled by corrupt politicains and street gangs, (ala Escape from New York). These areas are excellent if you want cheap drugs and/or prostitutes. Abandoned industrial buildings can also be found in abundance, and are perfect for cooking crystal meth, or just sleeping. The CIA world fact book, states that all people entering these areas should be inoculated for rabies, cholera, hepatitis J, fugly and the bubonic plague.
The political process in ROVA is fairly strait forward. Any candidate against same sex marriage will win the election. If there are two or more candidates against same sex marriage, the one who knows the most racial slurs, wins. If a candidate has a track record of leaching significant amounts of money from northern Virginia, they will win, as this trumps all other stated requirements.
Northern virginia is rapidly expanding into areas which would have been considered ROVA, until recently. Which is causing a great deal of animosity toward new residents, in these areas. This is mainly due to the laters, love of bestiality. Most having to give up their lovers, due to selling their land. (The prolific inbreeding of ROVA residents has obviously spread to NOVA. Who the fuck gave this man a keyboard?)
ROVA has several tourist areas. Which seem nice, but like most tourist traps, the residents are paid to be nice. Even with the tourism trade, these places are undeveloped compared to the north. Which is caused by the residents buying 'magic beans'. These beans are white and resemble rocks more so, than beans. Are broken up and either snorted or injected (usly with hepatitis J infected needles).
[edit] Virginia Landmarks
- The Pentagon Its funny-looking from above, like an unpopular geometric shape. Targeted by Osama Bin Laden and friends, but they missed and hit Arlington Cemetary so it still stands. Suck on that World Trade Center!
- Arlington Cemetary Communist cuntry. [1]
- Busch Gardens A Beer/European-themed theme park near Virginia Beach, which is more popular than all of Virginia's historical sites combined.
[edit] Famous Virginians
- George Washington, who currently lives with his slaves in Heaven since he is from Virginia.
[edit] Osama Bin-Laden's Welcoming Committee
We are told there are 72 Virginians in this illustrious group that have been working out to give his stomach "a deep knuckle massage."
Here's a short list.
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, William Clark, Meriwether Lewis, James Madison, Patrick Henry, George Mason, James Monroe, Zachary Taylor, John Tyler etc. [2]
[edit] A Typical Day in Virginia
Eating at Chick-Fil-A, and going to smoke some cannabis. We also have Wendy's and Mushooms.
