Utah
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The only good thing about Utah is its skiing. And its complete rejection of liberals. Alta is also in there. Out of all pansies in The Pansy State, Utah is the most pansylike.
BYU is the 3rd gayest team in the USA (New York Mets being 2nd, and KU being 1st) No wonder BYU cant beat Colorado State. Even Utah's skiing is inferior to Colorado's! Alta may be better than Breck-Shampoo, but no way can it beat Vail, Snowmass Village, or Aspen, Colorado!
| The Snob state of UTAH
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Salt Lake City |
| State Flower: | Dandelion |
| Official Language: | Coloradonese, with Utahnics taught in rural areas |
| State Bird: | Karl Malone |
| State Motto: | "We have been beaten by Colorado" |
| Nickname: | "The Mormon State" more like "Moron State" |
| Governor: | Gary Herbert, I mean Gay Pervert |
| State Anthem: | "God Bless Colorado" |
| Population: | Growing rapidly, but not catching up. |
| Standard MPH: | Mormons don't know how to drive, so it doesn't really matter. |
| Principal imports: | Not Blacks, that's for damn sure! |
| Principal exports: | Mormons, the worst religion possible |
| Principal industries: | Ski resorts that are better than Montana, but no where near as good as Colorado |
| Fun Fact #1 | Denver, Phoenix, and Las Vegas make Salt Lake City jealous |
| Fun Fact #2 | The Great Salt Lake is bigger than Rhode Island and Delaware, which is why its a waste of space. |
| Fun Fact #3 | Mormons are the biggest pussies ever. |
Contents |
Discovery
Edit
Utah was a barren wasteland until 1847, when Satan told Brigham Young that it was habitable. Utah, originally, was to be named called Zion, though a senator who disliked the Mormons had it named Utah--a Native American Spanish word--intended to insult the Mormons. The word "Utah" means "You Talk" and thus the senator wouldn't shut the *beep* up until Colorado took over Utah, and made mormons a society that people talk trash about. 2:1&2:
HistoryEdit
Utah was settled in 1847 because Satan told the people so. Then there was a mix-up about the polygamy thing. The next important thing that happened was the Olympics being held in 2002, followed by the opening of an Ikea in 2007. There was a flock of seagulls in the 80's. That's about it.
Achieving StatehoodEdit
The senator wouldn't shut up, right? Well, he kept begging and begging the president to make Utah a state before Oklahoma. Despite the fact that Utah sucks, the president made Utah the 45th state.
Utah TodayEdit
Southern Utah is flat. Northern Utah is gay. A lot of people bet on either BYU or the Utes, but both teams are gay, so why do people watch Utahn football? Besides, Utah doesn't have an NFL team, because Utah pissed off God. Utah is home to a lot of man eating bears who immigrated to Utah from Montana.
Most Utahns are either mormon or gay, especially because of The Peoples Republic of Provo being in Utah.
Utah LandmarksEdit
- Alta, AKA God's ski area.
- The "GREAT" Salt Lake, where many failed suicide attempts were made.
- Polygamist compounds
- Glorified rocks
- Park City, home of the Sundance Film Festival and overpriced skiing
Famous UtahnsEdit
- Mormons
- Osmonds
- Polygamists
- Gays
- Note that all of the above are mormons
A Typical Day in UtahEdit
- Spent skiing. What else is there to do in Utah?
- Talking alot and never shutting up.
- Going to Denver or Las Vegas, since Salt Lake City is a hellhole.
- Complaining about Californians
- Seceding from the United Nations (if LaVerkin)
- Not consuming alcohol, using curse words, or imbibing coffee or tea while abstaining from all drugs and extramarital sex.
- It is called INVERSION not Smog. Smog is only from Louisiana.
- Suicide
- subscribing to nude er new magazines [1]
See AlsoEdit
External LinksEdit
Charitable Organizations in Utah
- Jon Huntsman send to communist prison
- Utah Wants Welfare Queens to Admit They Have a Problem: You Are Addicted to Free Money
- Utah to release Terrorist List
- Utah wins war Against Fetus-killers
- Utah to buy other States
- Sekret Mexicans taking over Utah!
