Utah
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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See Also: |
The only good thing about Utah is its skiing. And its complete rejection of liberals. Ogden is also in there.
The Land of Many Wives 
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| Capitol: | The Temple |
| State Flower: | New Wife |
| Official Language: | Coloradonese, with Utahnics taught in rural areas |
| State Bird: | Karl Malone |
| State Motto: | "Bring'em young and bring'em often!" |
| Nickname: | The "Cousins Make Excellent Second Wives" State |
| Governor: | Some Utard |
| State Anthem: | "God Bless Colorado" |
| Population: | Growing rapidly |
| Standard MPH: | People in Utah don't know how to drive, so it doesn't really matter. |
| Principal imports: | Not Blacks, that's for damn sure! |
| Principal exports: | Mormons, kids in white shirts and ties wearing backpacks |
| Principal industries: | Compound building, mass weddings |
| Fun Fact #1 | In Utah, the separation of church and state is exactly 2 city blocks. |
| Fun Fact #2 | Mormons hate booze, so if you want to buy some, you have to buy it from them! |
Contents |
[edit] Discovery
You have got to be complete idiot to believe this. This page just shows us the ignorant idiot you are.
^And you have to be a complete idiot for taking this seriously!
Utah was a barren wasteland until 1847, when God told Brigham Young that it was habitable. Utah, originally, was to be named called Zion, though a senator who disliked the Mormons had it named Utah--a Native American word--intended to insult the Mormons. The word "Utah" means "land of many wives" and thus the senator was inadvertently fulfilling the prophecy given in Isaiah 2:1&2:
 And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the LORD's house shall be filled with wives!
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| ~ The Holy Bible, Isaiah 2:1 & 2 |
A bunch of liberals tried to follow the conservative Mormons, but could not hack it and decided to settle in Colorado and eat granola instead.
[edit] History
Utah was settled in 1847 because God told the people so. Then there was a mix-up about the polygamy thing. The next important thing that happened was the Olympics being held in 2002, followed by the opening of an Ikea in 2007. That's about it.
[edit] Achieving Statehood
Utah wanted to become a state, but the government was appalled by the practice of polygamy, perhaps because it wasn't something they could do, and the wives involved were often frumpy. Utah abolished polygamy and became a state, though the delay allowed Wyoming to become a state first (and that's why Wyo a nice rectangle and Utah sucks).
[edit] Utah Today
After the Olympics and the Ikea, there's not a lot more that Utah can take in terms of excitement, but Mitt Romney is popular despite all of this.
Recently, Salt Lake City mayor Rocky Anderson has gone crazy with power and has made treasonous statements calling to impeach President George W. Bush. Most of Utah is appalled at the liberal intellectuals running its capital.
[edit] Utah Landmarks
- Alta, AKA God's ski area.
- The "GREAT" Salt Lake, where many failed suicide attempts were made.
- Polygamist compounds
- Glorified rocks
- Park City, home of the Sundance Film Festival and overpriced skiing
[edit] Famous Utahns
- Mormons
- Osmonds
- Polygamists
- Note that all of the above are mormons
[edit] A Typical Day in Utah
- Spent skiing. What else is there to do in Utah?
- Marrying multiple wives
- Shopping at Wal-Mart with multiple wives.
- Complaining about Californians
- Seceding from the United Nations (if LaVerkin)
- Not consuming alcohol, using curse words, or imbibing coffee or tea while abstaining from all drugs and extramarital sex.
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
Charitable Organizations in Utah
