The tootsie roll is a creation first brought to our great earth by Jesus.
After hanging out for an extended weekend at his dad's, he recieved a box from his high school sweetheart, Mary. The box contained some new puma desert sandals. Jesus was very happy because he had lost his last pair of sandals when he was lost in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights trying to make his own Man vs. Wild episode.
After spending the night in a hotel because the conditions outside were considered too dangerous, he forgot said sandals in the sink after kinky sex with a camel. Then he built an ark. The only remaining piece of that ark was discovered in 1834 by a man named Frank Tootsie. Mr. Tootsie was very hungry because the Old Country Buffet in his town had recently gone out of business and didn't know how to cook. In an act of pure desperation he ripped off some wood from the ark and munched away. He found it rather tasty and continued to eat until he had one hell of a sugar high and then passed out.
Luckily enough, Mr. Tootie's close friend and genius scientist, Steven Hawking, happened to stumble upon his Tootsie's body. Hawking never intended to travel through the desert that night however his drinking buddies had played a rather cruel practical joke on the scientist which involved duct taping the trottle on his wheel chair down and pointing him towards the desert. Hawking and his out of control wheel chair most likely would have continued on for eternity if it had not been for slamming into Tootsie's body.
The sudden impact awoke Tootsie and he was able to cut the duct taping, restoring Hawking's control over his wheels. When Tootsie decided to share some of his delicious treat with his freind, Hawking immediately recognized the snack's potential.
The two entreprenuers took the rest of the ark back to Hawking's basement. Several tests later, many involving guinnea pigs, the men had discovered the secret ingriedients and were able to come up with a recipie.
The rest is history
!eoj si eman ym