The U.S. of A.
Toby Keith is an American country & western musician. He is equally proficient in both the country and the western genres. He wears a size-14 extra-wide cowboy boot, is Built Ford Tough, and emits a pungent man-musk only rivaled in strength by Matthew McConaughey. Despite evidence to the contrary: his blonde highlights, his refusal to admit that he wouldn't kick Natalie Maines out of bed for talking treason about the President, and his membership in the band The Village People, he ain't no homo queer!
On the November 14, 2005 episode of The Report, Stephen expressed the hope that when Osama bin Laden is caught, Toby be allowed to put a boot up his ass. However, after Greatest President George W. Bush expressed publicly that bin Laden didn't concern him all that much, Toby had to settle for putting his boot up the ass of Saddam Hussein's corpse. It was reported to still be extremely satisfying.
On the same episode, Stephen also predicted that Toby's song "As Good As I Once Was" would win at the 2005 Country Music Association awards for Song Of The Year. Stephen almost called it: "As Good As I Once Was" won Music Video of The Year.
On October 19, 2006, Keith proudly posted on his website that "Toby Keith Plays With His Guitar And Spews Forth An Amerigasm Of Song About Ford Trucks," thus firing the latest salvo in the Ford-Chevy Truck Wars.
His new song, "I Am A Workin' Man," was written to counter the challenge posed by John Mellencamp's "This Is Our Country," written for Chevy trucks. After writing the song, Toby proceeded to stick an eagle up John Mellencamp's ass.
Toby Keith's BootsEdit
Toby Keith's boots have been specially designed for asskicking. A miracle of modern scientifical engineering, these boots are covered in millions of microscopic backwards-facing poison-tipped barbs, that, once lodged deep in the tissues of the lower intestine, cause catastrophic internal damage once removed. In addition to that, on the heel of the boot is a razor sharp spur prepared to literally tear a terrorist a new asshole in a blink of Toby's eye. Inside the boot heel itself is a voice-activated atomic-napalm charge with a payload of about 1 megaton of TNT. To date, the streets have run red with the blood of the islamo-fascists in no less than 5 Al-Qaeda in Iraq strongholds as part of Operation Asshole Ripper. Luckily, they're self-cleaning too. Yeehaw!
His boots also allow for him to achieve great understanding between the races.
"I Am A Workin' Man"Edit
Music and Lyrics by Toby Keith
I gotta get up early
I gotta be on time
I've got to go bust it
Man, I got to go get mine,
I am that kinda guy.....
And I want a piece of that American pie
I put a lot of sweat
Into the job at hand
You can count on me
I am a .... workin' man!!!!
So when it's quitting time
And you've had enough
I'm still good to go, baby
Cuz I'm Built Ford Tough
"High Maintenance Woman"Edit
High Maintenance Woman received the only five-star song review ever given by Stephen Colbert
iTunes Review By Stephen ColbertEdit
|As Good As He Once Was! ★★★★★|
by The Actual Stephen Colbert
This song is based on a true story.
The name of that story? "This song rocks!" by Stephen Colbert.
Toby Keith speaks for, and, more importantly, to me.
Thank you, Sir.
July 28, 2008 NailingEdit
- sat at the C-Desk for the interview
- gives beer to his horse
- movie based on song and video
- Southern comedy
- co-wrote movie Beer For My Horses
- nothing rhymes
- co-wrote movie Beer For My Horses
- Hollywood actors act like they love America
- Beer For My Horses, a nostalgic song about lynching.
- covered Stephen's Big TV with a oversized flag-like set piece
- Toby is a Ford truck man.
- Toby re-established the fact that putting boots in people's asses, or bunker busters in their hospitals, offices, neighboring countries, or schools is the American way.
- His album Big Dog Daddy received the Colbert Bump after his appearance on the show. The album became #1 on the Billboard charts.
- He says he's a Democrat, yet he doesn't like John Kerry. What a Good Boy.
- Believes Barack Obama is the greatest candidate since Bill Clinton. What a Bad Boy!
- listening to any of his albums does not make one gay!