The War Against The Gayification of American Children
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
| The War Against The Gayification of American Children | |
|---|---|
| Date: | 1986 |
| Place: | USA |
| Result: | conflict ongoing |
| Our Side: | God-fearing heterosexuals |
| Our Commander | Jesus Christ, The Greatest President Ever, Stephen Colbert |
| Our Strength | Larger army, truthiness, Matthew McConaughey |
| Their Side | the Liberal Media, the gays |
| Their Commander | Satan |
| Their Strength | Sense of style, cleanliness, dancing |
| Casualties | Mr. Rogers, Thundercats |
The War Against The Gayification of American Children is an ongoing incursion by the gays on our children. Their goal is to get America's youngest generation "batting for the other team" from an early age.
Contents |
[edit] Background
It all started in 1986, during the halcyon days of The Second Greatest President Ever. During the confusion of the Iran-Contra Affair, Pee Wee Herman emerged as Satan's handmaiden and instigated the war by exposing America's kids to his manic, effeminate mannerisms.
Herman was later given a dishonorable discharge after dishonorably discharging himself to a video featuring a woman. He was replaced by Barney, with that purple Teletubby filling in when the giant fruity dinosaur had to go back to San Francisco to visit his husband.
[edit] Armaments
[edit] Our Weapons
- Hot hetero sex: providing us with an endless supply of tiny new recruits
- Prayer: our main communication means to divine help from The Baby Jesus
[edit] The Gays Weapons
- Slapjitzu: a martial art characterized by pulling hair and slapping
- Fruity Anne Gedes baby outfits: sold to naive mothers, but really a means of gayifying kids from an early age
[edit] With Us
- Stephen Colbert
- The Greatest President Ever
- Rush Limbaugh
- Bill Frist
- The Republican Party
-
Dick Cheney- status currently under review
[edit] Against Us
- The Democratic Party
- Taxachusetts
- Barney
- Ellen Degeneres - the leader of the campaign on crazy blond girls
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