The The USA Today is America's most colorful news source.

It is an impressionist newspaper that offers a lot of color and a fuzzy view of what's happening, like a Denny's placemat, but with news.

Its rainbow-colored weather map is clear evidence of a homometeorological agenda.

Recently the The USA Today has come under the increasing weight and pressure of the swelling influence of the homosexual lobby, whose firm insistence that the The Gays be represented more often in the issues of the day has begun to ooze out of almost every section of the paper, spreading even into the Money section.^{Episode #233}