I Twit, Therefore I am

~ Stephen Colbert

September 30, 2010

The Twitter is a new internets technology/application that allows people to upload into the tubes detailed reports about every damn thing they do.

It was co-founded by Biz Stone^{Episode #535} when he got bored with another job and decided to slack off.

Almost like a cross between social networking sites (eg: MySpace) and public email, The twitter was invented with Attention whores in mind so they could input information they imagine someone would be interested in.

Each individual entry posted on one's twitter page is called a tweet. Twittering in the past tense is twatting as in I have twatted.

Dr. Colbert has decreed that the name "twitters" can apply to Indians employed by explorers of the Amazon rainforest who carried messages back to civilization^{Episode #529}.

Contents 1 Twatting 1.1 The Right Way To Twitter 1.2 The Wrong Way To Twitter 1.2.1 As a "news" source 2 Twitter Twivia 3 See Also 4 External Tubes

TwattingEdit

Twitter: The Movie

The Right Way To TwitterEdit

• telling everyone what you're having for lunch
• telling everyone that you've just evacuated your lunch
• telling everyone that you're being raptured

The Wrong Way To TwitterEdit

Despite corporate sponsorship and using corporate-owned internets tubes, in June, 2009 Iranian revolutionaries subverted The Twitter from innocent descriptions of one's daily life to one that allows hippies to get information past government laws.

As a "news" sourceEdit

God did not design The Twitter to be used in this manner and Americans everywhere are calling for the criminals to stop bypassing the reasonable laws set forth by Iran's ruling council and go back inside their home and watch Iranian Idol or Iranian puppets making crank calls. But, most importantly for the women to keep their clothes on.

Twitter TwiviaEdit

• the dead can twitter^{Episode #579}
• The past tense of twitter is to have entwatted ^{Episode #579}
• Stephen Colbert wins the Golden Twitter. Eat it, Kanye West[1]

See AlsoEdit

• Water.org

External TubesEdit

• The tweets of Dr. Colbert: StephenAtHome
• And his long lost twin StephenTColbert
• #oopsjew now on twitter!
• People who use Twitter incorrectly
• There are no consequences to using The Twitter
• Emergency News: Twitter taken over by Iranian Zombies!!
• Company sues un-american commie for defamation in twitter! Commie uses libural myth "freedom of speech" to commit crime
• Real Estate Sues Twitter for libel
• Twitter full of socialists
• Twitter ruins Movie's Shocking Ending
• Twitter greatest National Security Threat
• The Twitter goes into court
• Iran to liberate the twitter
• The Twitter continues to undermine democracy
• Deranged Internet Tween Girls destroys twitter
• Twitter now full of hairballs
• The Twitter now more trusted news than Daily Show
• Aussie Terrorist takes down twitter
• Trolls invade twitter
• Twitter becomes more dangerous
• How Twitter is helping us to become human recorders
• Twitter can contact the dead!
• Twitter is stealing our snow!!!!