The Ten Commandments

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

Wikiality.com's American Law Series

Legal Documents

Bible Ten Commandments Constitution of the United States of America Bill of Rights

Lawmaking Bodies

President of the United States of America Vice President of the United States of America United States Republican Party PNAC Lobbyists Illuminati Supreme Court Congress

Important Laws

Military Commissions Act PATRIOT Act No Child Left Behind Clean Water Act Clean Skies Initiative Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008

Important Rulings

Bush v. Gore Wallace v. Gromit Lawrence v. Texas Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board Georgia v. Randolph Brady v. Brady

God's rules that must be carved in stone onto every building in America. They were originally found in the Jewish Bible, which is one of the main reasons anybody still reads the Old Testament.

Contents 1 The Commandments 1.1 The Lost Commandments 2 Fun Factoids 3 See Also 4 External Sources

[edit] The Commandments

Then God spoke all these words: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery;

1. You shall have no other gods before me. Especially Zeus, that guy is such a douche.
2. You shall not make for yourself an image, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name, goddamn it!
4. Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy. The Colberts may also keep two accompanying days holy as well. Friday and Saturday are good.
5. Honor your father and your mother, or they will constantly leave voice-mail messages asking why you haven't called.
6. Don't kill (unless the other person is not of Christian faith, is gay, or is associated with Nancy Pelosi), actually quote me as just saying Don't kill.
7. You shall not commit adultery or be gay.
8. Don't steal.
9. Ehh, you know, Don't lie.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

...and 5 others that Lynn Westmoreland promised to email to me.

[edit] The Lost Commandments

11. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tax cut or congressional page. (Homosexuality is a sin.)
12. Do not take The Party or Stephen's name in vain.
13. Thou shall only value life until it is born into this world, after which you will train it to become a patriotic citizen, and it will either die in a pointless war, or from the death penalty.

14. Thou shall not double dip.

15. Thou shalt not further the agenda of bears. They're evil killing machines!

[edit] Fun Factoids

The Ten Commandments is so popular that a teen summer movie was made!! They won the Oscars in all categories!!!

• Republicans are not required to know the Ten Commandments. Mentioning a few of them constantly is godly enough. Especially the one about sodomy.
• Originally there were 20 Commandments, but Moses dropped a tablet.
• Some of those missing commandments were really good ones too, like thou shalt not be a dirty hippie tree hugging liberal democrat factonista.
• Sixty percent of Americans can't name five of the Ten Commandments. - USA Today, Americans Get An 'F' In Religion

[edit] See Also

• No Child Left Behind
• Lynn Westmoreland
• The Ten Plagues
• New Commandments

[edit] External Sources

• Bush family profits from God
• Westmoreland's Commandments - as provided to Stephen Colbert in an interview