"We’re still waiting with bated breath for the big news: who will John McCain pick as his running mate. The Republican convention starts Monday and here he is at a rally just hanging out with some female supporter who I assume won some radio call-in contest. Is it Romney? Is it Pawlenty? Wait…she is?! Are you serious?! Who the f*ck is Sarah Palin? What? The sexy librarian?!"

~ Colbert August 2008

Despite being a woman, Mrs. Todd Palin is a maverickess and great in 18 million ways. Some say Sarah's the greatest Governor since George W. Bush guided Texas. She has fought on the front lines of the bear wars and refused to give polar bears a free ride in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Also is a professional Maviratrix. The pride of Wasilla, Alaska‎, Mrs. Todd Palin has made her burgeoning metropolis proud!

She "accidentally" disclosed what Dr. Colbert had been told not to disclose: Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?!

On November 4, 2008, Barack Hussein Obama cheated Sarah out of her divine right to change the nucular codes to her children's birthdays. But Sarah is too full of hot, steaming Alaska spirit to give up now! A few months later, she decided that finishing her term as Governess would only slow her down, and that she could best serve her bank account country by going to work for The Greatest News Channel Ever! [1]

Contents 1 Awards 2 Faith in Our Lord And Savior 2.1 Beliefs 3 Her Family 3.1 Her Children 3.2 "Her" Fifth Child 3.2.1 Defend the Intellectually Disabled 4 Life and Career 4.1 Momentarily Sidetracked By The Lure Of The Stage 5 Mother Of All Hockey 6 Women Who Have Inspired Her 7 Men Who Lust Love Her 8 Charitable Contributions 9 Relationship With Technology 10 Heretofore Unknown Battles With Vladimir Putin, Ruler Of The Cossacks And All Of Russia! 10.1 Apparently, The Taiwanese non-communist Chinese Love Her Too! 11 Preparing For The Presidency Vice Presidency 11.1 NASA Oval Office Simulation 11.2 Canuck Licence (Drive, Baby, Drive!) 11.3 Going Rogue 11.4 VP Endorsements 11.5 Official Statement 11.6 What Makes Her Great! 12 Factoids 13 Magazines Mrs. Todd Palin Reads Everyday 14 Foreign Leaders Who Have Her Private Phone Number 15 Turkey Pardon 16 Sarah Palin's New Book: The woman, her life, and how her Presidency was stolen 17 Sarah Palin's Plan for The Queendom of Alaska 18 Sarah Palin's Resigns Governorship of Alaska as of 2009 18.1 A Fond Look Back On Her Words Of Wisdom 19 The Future for Mrs. Todd Palin 19.1 Sarah Palin Joins Bearwatch!! 19.2 Sarah Supports Enhanced Interrogation of Elitists! 20 Sarah Palin's Merchandise On Sale NOW!!! 21 Sarah's Hit List Freedom Haters List 22 Notes 23 See Also 24 News Tubes

AwardsEdit

Not surprisingly, as the third greatest living American, Mrs. Todd Palin is constantly bombarded with new honors and awards for her many great good deeds. Recent ones include:

• Truthiness of the Year Award (2009)
• American of the Year (2009)
• Media Fixer of the Year (2009)
• Faith Award (2008)
• Environmentalist of the Year (2008)

Faith in Our Lord And SaviorEdit

Mrs. Todd Palin is a firm believer in America's Science. She also believes the government has the right to tell her what she should do with her filthy, filthy "Intelligently-Designed" vagina.

As a result, she has had four five babies, each a reflection of God's Love and her husband's use of cheap condoms.

BeliefsEdit

• Mary Glazier
• Bishop Thomas Muthee
• Witchcraft
• Teen Pregnancy
• The Earth is Flat
• the pioneer spirit will guide her

Her FamilyEdit

All of Sarah Palin's children have, at one time or another, asked her if they were adopted. After answering "no" each time, at least three of them asked her if they can please be put up for adoption.

As the wife and mother in her family, Mrs. Todd Palin submits to her husband's natural urges resulting in four five children.

Her ChildrenEdit

Being a strict Christian, Mrs. Todd Palin should have chosen names directly out of The Bible, but since her husband may have suffered some chromosomal damage due to his job, the kids' names are not exactly religious in fact they allude to the Palins belonging to an American ethnic subset.

But, they are colorful and add to her allure as a proper maverickess.

Child's Name	gender	Origin
Track	heterosexual son who for whatever reason has a gay name.	Mrs. Todd Palin loves to run, so she named the first blessed event to blossom from her hoohah after her affection for the running sport
whore Bristol	sinful whore daughter	Mrs. Todd Palin was born in Bristol, Connecticut and never thinks about her life prior to moving to Alaska. She doesn't want to talk about anything having to do with that part of life because it's behind her now.
Willow	virgin daughter	Mrs. Todd Palin loves Willow trees and after she gave birth to her third child after a four year rest between the first two that popped out one right after the other
Piper	virgin daughter	Mrs. Palin named her precious fourth child after her husband's nickname at work. It is important to note that the Palin's were expecting a boy.

*A fifth Palin child was discovered after the printing of this internets tube, so it cannot be added into the table. The child's name is "Trig". He is named after the math teacher who got her daughter pregnant Mrs. Palin's favorite part of a gun: the trigger!

"Her" Fifth ChildEdit

Recently she had another of God's blessings thanks to the miracle of the missionary position.

This may in fact be the third immaculate conception (after Mary's and Keisha Castle-Hughes') since Todd Palin's wife was not showing the distended proof of God's Love for the first seven months of her pregnancy and hid the child's birth for 6 weeks after it's virgin birth!

Despite all the complications of hiding her daughter's her fifth pregnancy, she showed her true Christian love, by giving birth despite knowing the child was going to be retarded.

She did not get it on with a injun this is an outragious lie!

Defend the Intellectually DisabledEdit

Our future President has dedicated herself to getting the intellectually challenged special rights so that socialists can't take advantage of them:

• Support Palin - Call her a Retard
• Retarded Facts at Palin's Tea Party Speech

Life and CareerEdit

Sarah Palin grew up in the Valley. After bringing down big-porn, she joined Feminists For Life, moved to Alaska and pumped out 5 babies. Only Tek Jansen knows the exact time line of those events.

Between giving birth, holy missionary position impregnation, and visiting the nannies, she helped divert money from "endangered species" to fund Alaska's Republican war on the bearorists. She also sold the state jet to raise money for the Republicans and keep Al Gore from visiting.

Momentarily Sidetracked By The Lure Of The StageEdit

• Playing the flute
• Reading poetry
• Singing

"They don't call me Jo SixPack for nothin'"

The President of The Republican States of America 2012.

Mother Of All HockeyEdit

She is recognized worldwide as The Greatest Hockey Mom Ever as proven by the movie on the left.

Now imagine if you will a President Palin?

Women Who Have Inspired HerEdit

Men Who Lust Love HerEdit

• Rich Lowry

Charitable ContributionsEdit

• $1 million to Save The Innocent Babies

Relationship With TechnologyEdit

• eMail

Heretofore Unknown Battles With Vladimir Putin, Ruler Of The Cossacks And All Of Russia!Edit

In 2008, Katie Couric tortured Mrs. Todd Palin to disclose National Security secrets about the dire threat of Russians in Alaskan air space.

Prior to Couric's intelligence breach, Americans were able to sleep soundly at night, blissfully unaware that communists penetrated her air space.

Once CBS exposed the danger, Americans were initially and understandably frightened. But CBS and her liberal cohorts in the media did not anticipate the reaction Americas would have for Mrs. Todd Palin's clear and forceful response and her long history of protecting the lower 48 from the immediate threat Putin posed.

Apparently, The Taiwanese non-communist Chinese Love Her Too!Edit

Our Chinese Masters want her for 2012

Preparing For The Presidency Vice PresidencyEdit

Please see her official web tube outlining her experience and where she stands on all the issues (here)

NASA Oval Office SimulationEdit

In order to fast-track her educationalness to the Oval Office, NASA engineers have developed an Oval Office Simulatorto help Mrs. Todd Palin prepare for her duties. Version 2.0 here.

Canuck Licence (Drive, Baby, Drive!)Edit

Mrs. Todd Palin has kept her place within the boundaries of America (Alaska is apparently a state). But, now that she has been selected to replace McCain when he dies in office be vice president, Mrs. Todd Palin has applied for a Canadian drivers' license in order to make the GOP convention in Minneapolis.

Going RogueEdit

On October 28, 2008, Mrs. Todd Palin reached the zen state of Maverickness by Going Rogue. This spiritual Maverick milestone was achieved a full 86 days ahead of schedule, and is a testament to Mrs. Todd Palin's quicky Mavericky learning skills.

VP EndorsementsEdit

• Arnold Schwarzenegger approves of Sarah's Thatchers.
• Nicolas Sarkozy sent Governor Palin an encouraging phone call where he wished her luck on her campaign, commended her support for Joe the Plumber and Marcel the Guy With Bread Under his Armpit, and complimented her documentary Nailin' Palin. A recording of the call can be listened to here.

Hot 4 Hill 2 Palin!

Official StatementEdit

Todd Palin released this statement on behalf of his wife:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE No. 08-149 Governor Palin Releases Statement to Alaskans August 29, 2008, Anchorage, Alaska – Governor Sarah Palin today released the following statement to Alaskans: “It is the honor of my life to represent you as your Governor, and over the next two months I will continue to do so. As the mother of five, I know how to multi-task, and I will continue to promote the path of reform that we set out on together in the state of Alaska.” “It is a great privilege to be John McCain's running mate and to be considered by the American people for the Vice Presidency. This honor is a testament to the reforms and progress we have made together in Alaska. Now is the time to take that spirit of reform to Washington.”

Raw, unedited footage of Mrs. Todd Palin's first interview with Charles Gibson, who cut it up so liberally it made her look really, really bad.

What Makes Her Great!Edit

• her husband's love letters to her leaked by internets hacker!
• she's white a normal American
• she's a chick
• she knows her place
• she dresses proper for a workin' gal
• she knows how to pretend to fight corruption
• she has a gun
• she speaks English
• she feels science is overrated
• she keep librarians and other book lovers in line
• she's the right religion

• she was in the freakin' PTA!
• she was in the city council
• she was 1 of 30,000 mayors in America
• she can fight all the world's problems with energy policy
• she's been governor since Obama started running for presidency
• her exceptional governance of Alaska
• she speaks to God just like The Greatest President Ever
• she loves The Baby Jesus
• she can see Alaska from her house
• she can see wolves from her helicopter
• she enjoys a good hacking ^[1]
• she's an experienced peace keeper ^[2]
• she has a pro-baby-growth economic plan ^[3]
• she brings experience in saving taxpayer dollars on rape kits ^{[4] [5]}

Sarah Palin telling Hillary to “grow a pair” and stop whining about “unfair” media…

FactoidsEdit

• has the second Greatest coattails, following only Dr. Colbert himself

• She was voted the sexiest, hottest mother and governor in America by Diebold voting machines.
• Ted Stevens endorsed her for Governor in 2006.
• Hobbies include:
  • killing bears
  • killing wolves
  • feeding old people
  • feeding microwaved bears and wolves to old people
  • firing people who don't fire the men who divorce her sister
  • fishing for barracuda by shooting them from a helicopter^{Episode #450}
  • Hunting for Whales
• She's a member of the NRA and likes to hunt and fish.
• Gives off a naughty librarian vibe.
• Hates books.
• Supports maximum tube usage.
• Is under investigation for abuse of power.
• not one to waste time doing God's work, Mrs. Todd Palin was able to miraculously reduce seven months of the miracle of birth overnight!^[6]
  • she also humbly waited six weeks before announcing the blessed birth!
• Even Mooslims want to bang her. ^[7]
• is able to delegate legal authority like nobody's business!
• Sarah is helping Wikiality to create New Truthiwords!
• Sarah Palin is now America's Shakespeare
• Sarah Palin was the bestest of governors during her tenure, it says so in the new book!
• A horrifying book written by a un-american traitor mentions the horrifying truth about Sarah Palin and her monstrous character making her evil enough to take Satan's place piles of lies and more lies!

To Be or Not to Be... That is the Gotcha Question

Magazines Mrs. Todd Palin Reads EverydayEdit

During another "gotcha media interview" Mrs. Todd Palin revealed to Katie Couric that she reads many magazines, but did not disclose which ones they were out of concern for national security.

Wikiality.com asks the internets heroes to fill in the blanks and provide the periodicals Mrs. Todd Palin has read below.

• Aryan Nation Times
• Creation Scientific American
• Secessionist Journal
• John Birch Society's The New American
• Uninformed Moose Huntin' PTA Aficionado Weekly
• Shotgun Bride
• Baby Mama
• Thomas Bowdler's Literary Review

Foreign Leaders Who Have Her Private Phone NumberEdit

• Nicolas Sarkozy
• Great Britain's Prime Minister, Gordon Brown (but it may have been a dial tone)^{Episode #488}
• The Guvernator: but he prefers The Twitter

Turkey PardonEdit

The Greatest Maveratrix Ever pardons a turkey as Alaskan governors have done since 2008!

"...Oh, well this was, this was me! To, it--I was uh, happy to be get to be invited to participate in this and, and uh, you know it, it for one, you need a bit of little levity in this job. Especially with uh, uh, so much that has gone on in the last couple of months that has been so um, political obviously that it's nice to get out and and and do, so something to promote a local business and, and to uh, just participate in something that isn't so uh, heavy-handed politics, that uh, invites criticism. Certainly we'll invite criticism for even doing this, too, but at least this was fun!"

Sarah Palin's New Book: The woman, her life, and how her Presidency was stolenEdit

The Greatest Maveratrix Ever will be soon releasing a new book and a tv series about her life, her struggles as a kick ass Maverick, and her great legacy on Alaska America and how it tragically came to an end before its time... as long as Hollywood and the liberal media doesn't screw it again... No way will this hurt her chances for her 2012 2016 election...

Sarah Palin's Plan for The Queendom of AlaskaEdit

Sarah Palin has expressed plans to turn Alaska into her own monarchy and crown herself Queen of Alaska

Sarah Palin has an awesome plan to "liberate" Alaska from the Mooslim government! But details are few since it is a secret to keep the liberal media out... shhhh... dont tell anyone!

Sarah Palin's Resigns Governorship of Alaska as of 2009Edit

to pursue a more ambitious career to spend more time with her family to cash in on some book deals. Some say she has resigned in order to better prepare for a run for the presidency. Because if you can't handle Letterman, you're just the person we need to take on Putin.

Palin’s awesome speech!	Hitler's reaction

A Fond Look Back On Her Words Of WisdomEdit

• Another look at her resignation speech
• Dayton speech (accepts McCain's offer of VP slot)
• 2008 RNC speech
• interview with Charlie Gibson (excerpts)
• interview with Katie Couric
• Resignation speech, Shatner's homage
• Final farewell to Alaska (7-26-2009)
• video compilation
• Obama is EVIL!
• Obama is forming a Death Panel!
• Sarah Palin supports the murder of fetuses

The Future for Mrs. Todd PalinEdit

Sarah Palin Joins Bearwatch!!Edit

• Sarah Palin uses twitter to monitor bears

Sarah Supports Enhanced Interrogation of Elitists!Edit

• http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blog/2010/sep/18/sarah-palin-republicans-iowa-tea-party

Sarah Palin's Merchandise On Sale NOW!!!Edit

Get them while they are hawt!

Sarah's Hit List Freedom Haters ListEdit

(Full list)

• Sen. Collins
• Southeast Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (Fundraiser)
  • (Mission Accomplished)
• Jihadist Girl
  • Success!

For her achievements in protecting America, Sarah Palin will receive "Honorary Killer Protector of America", you go girl!

NotesEdit

1. ↑ http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/17/mccain-camp-seeks-investigation-over-reported-e-mail-hack/
2. ↑ http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/9/12/19576/3667/212/596769
3. ↑ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v77WekmM8F8
4. ↑ http://www.frontiersman.com/articles/2000/05/23/news.txta
5. ↑ http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/9/17/175430/636/888/601186
6. ↑ http://www.adn.com/front/story/336402.html
7. ↑ http://cnnwire.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/24/pakistans-president-calls-palin-gorgeous/

See AlsoEdit

• Alaska
• http://i.somethingawful.com/u/garbageday/2010/comedy_goldmine/crosseye/Yabanjin_01.gif
• Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
• neocon
• John McCain
• Bristol Palin
• abortion
• intelligent design
• Monica Goodling
• Joe Vogler
• Ted Stevens
• Sarah's Excellent Shopping Spree!
• The World According to Palin
• SarahPAC
• Sarah Shakespalin
• Sarah Palin, Not a Real American?!

News TubesEdit

• Sarah Palin's sekret facebook shhh, dont tell anyone!
• Sarah Palin Forum Tube!
• 2009 Sarah Palin Calendars ON SALE NOW!
• Palin views on oil, polar bears may be liabilities
• Scientists oppose her desire to open ANWR to gas drilling
• Palin's Wolf Bounty Program
• Governor Palin Relaxing on her Bear Fur Couch
• Palin Not Convinced on Global Warming
• McCain's Vice President Under Investigation for Abuse of Power
• Maveratrix Cred!
• Tribute to the Be-Lipsticked-Pitbull!
• Levi Johnston's MySpace page!
• A video depicting her love for America!
• Your feet can too walk the Maveratrix path!
• Sarah Palin's new political consultant!
• Sarah Palin, defender of Raep victims
• Angry mob of 15 people millions protest Letterman's pro-raep remark

The Real Media Loves Her!!

• Sarah Palin, Real American Hero
• Help! Sarah Palin's email account was hacked and now vicious rumors that are lies are being spread around!
• Sarah Palin has shocking surprise for GOP
• Real Americans backs Sarah Palin's decision 100%
• Liberal Media confused with Sarah's actions
• Ode to Sarah Palin
• Crazy Liburals Conspiracy Theories as to why Palin is resigning
• Sarah Palin's Greatest Speech Ever!
• Real America's opinion on Sarah's resignation
• Bill Kristol calls Sarah a Real Maverick, not a quitter. If only Obama would follower her example... Obama you are doing too much, why dont you just quit?
• Series of Tubes going wild with Palin
• Liberal Media cant contain their happiness with Palin's resignation
• Sarah Palin brings party unity

The smartest conversation he ever had with a mama bear

• Palin's resignation The Most Patriotic Duty Ever! She resigned to save our tax payers money!
• Sarah Palin declares War on the Series of Tubes! 4chan retaliates by unleashing their n3rdz powah
• Something Awful Apologizes for being childish
• Bully Liberal Whore, Shannyn Moore, continues to spew lies and fabrications on Series of Tubes
• Fox News praises Sarah Palin's patriotism!
• Palin calls Hillary a coward and a whiner You tell her, Sarah!
• How the Libural Media blackmailed Sarah Palin
• Palin's Resignation an act of "self-sacrifice"
• Palin will run new "Department of Law"
• Europeans hatez Sarah Palin
• Sarah Palin's brilliant plan for 2012
• Sara Palin gone hiking the Appalachians Trail fishing
• Sarah Palin elected Babe of the week. Obama is still an ugly mooslim
• Sarah Palin enjoys fishing expedition
• David Letterman apologizes on behave of the libural media

The Wonders of Alaska

• More libural bias facts
• Alaska is already missing Sarah Palin
• American traitor insults Sarah Palin!
• Sarah Palin appoints Real Christian as head of Suicide Prevention: Praise teh Lord!
• Palin haters and grammar nazis butchers Palin's speech
• Libural Media, leave Sarah Palin alone! Stop Making Stuff Up!!! Or our dead soldiers will come up to haunt you!
• Conservative Libural Media attacks Palin
• Sarah Palin being maverickie by refusing to go to some old dude's liburary
• Sarah Palin to visit Local Kindergarten
• Sarah Palin's new role model
• Alaska Honors Sarah Palin with the "Alaskan Medal of Freedom"
• Un-american Traitor insults Sarah Palin!
• Sarah Palin to fight off "Deaht Panels"

• Sarah Palin more popular than ever!
• Sarah Palin is a Financial Genius: She could had made tons of money for America!
• Sarah Palin's New Show!
• Sarah Palin's New Brilliant Plan to Save Health Care: Vouchers!! Brilliant!
• You Can Win a Dinner Date with Mrs Palin and her husband! Disclaimer: joos, hippies, liburals, blacks, gays, lesbos, feminazis, poor people, old people, sick people, retarded people, orphans, or "other undesirables" no need to bid, but you can still donate the money to Palin as your Patriotic Duty dictates!
• Obama the Barbarian does it again
• Sarah Palin wins Emmy!
• Palin's Awesome Speech in China! and America loves it!
• Sarah Palin's new book already a best seller! She is already making a profit! Thank you America!
• The Palin Legacy: We Are Quitters Self-sacrificing
• Sarah's New Book a Best Seller!
• The Greatest Speech Ever! Sarah Palin Wins Election Race
• Sarah Palin to fight klingons!
• Sarah Palin to fight anti-christian conspiracy!
• Sarah's new book goes Rogue!
• Newsweek Slanders Sarah Palin
• Joos supports Sarah Palin
• Sarah Palin's New plan to stop mooslim threat: Kill all mooslims! Ask mooslims if they are terrorists
• Palin's fans go rogue
• Sarah Palin in 2012: The Movie
• Sarah's Fans to come to town!
• Sarah Palin to save Canada from Socialized Medicine
• Sarah Palin breaks world record in quitting quilting
• Sarah Palin participates in free market economy
• Palin uncovers new evidence that mooslim tyrant is not American!
• Sarah Palin: Asians are not Real Americans! Hawaii is Not Part of Real America
• Terrorist Tomato arrested
• Sarah Palin declares war on Terra. Polar Bear still #1 Threat to Alaska
• Sarah Palin to uncover Libural Media!
• Sarah Palin to save Canada from Socialism!
• Sarah Palin captures Killer Tomato!
• Canada to greet Sarah Palin as liberator!
• Sarah Palin refuses to meet with libural media
• Sarah Palin to start on her own Reality TV Show! "Who Wants To Be an Attention Whore?", title still on the works
• Sarah's Speech in Las Vegas considered a Great landmark! What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
• How Sarah Palin saved Alaska's Pipeline
• How dare you! Those are real!!
• Palin to get some Thatchers!
• Sarah Palin to donate money!
• Sarah Palin can see wood from her house!
• Sarah Palin to indoctrinate our children the right way
• Handprompter 2.0: with a 90% bigger hand!
• The Patriotic Handprompter
• New Evidence suggests that teachers have a libural bias against Palin
• Sarah Palin's blessings helps to gain victory (results may vary)
• Sarah Palin shows humility: Is not about winning
• Tickets for Event SOLD OUT STILL ON SALE! COME ON!! BUY THEM BEFORE IS TOO LATE!!!
• un-american traitor hates Palin
• Sarah Palin rips apart union bosses. Now she is the new boss
• How the Free Market gave a divine blessing to Sarah Palin
• Terminator invades Alaska
• Libural Media out there to get Palin!
• Unicorns are real!
• Another Sarah Palin Hater joins the libural rank
• Sarah Palin meets another Mama Grizzly
• Sarah Palin feels your joowish pain
• Even democrats think she is beautiful
• Sarah Palin to restore Diva Jubs back to pampered Teenage Americans
• Fake Sarah Palin tries to steal the Sarah Palin trademark!
• Sarah Palin's newest book is hawt!