The Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum
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July 12, 2009
Tragically Goldblum, having survived T-Rex attacks while filming the documentary "Jurassic Park" was killed in a New Zealand climbing accident with Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee, also formerly of "The Shire."
Added by PhantomDuck
Goldblum, apparenly unconcerned with his recent demise, gratuitously hawkes his recurring role on USA Network's, Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
Added by WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeerThe Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum was almost a guest of America's Favorite News Program when he suddenly appeared in The Eagle's Nest on June 29, 2009Episode #579.
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Background
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With his sexy personna and fashion forward coutre, Goldblum taught a generation how to pick up chicks in the autobiographical film chronicaling how he met his previous spouse, Geena Davis, entitled, "Earth Girls Are Easy."
Added by PhantomDuck
Goldblum is pictured here as a young lad, in a pre-paranormal state, just after inventing the Republican Biblical text, Mad Magazine.
Added by PhantomDuck
Jeff Goldblum died this week while rock climbing with friends (Frodo & Sam) in New Zealand.
Anyone claiming to be Jeff Goldblum is clearly deranged and should be tasered for their own safety, gagged, straight-jacketed, then dumped at the nearest hospital for the criminally intent insane.
To test if it is truthily Jeff Goldblum's ghost, hit it hard with something iron, a wrecking bar, a good American hammer, tire lever etc, or fire some rock salt from a shotgun at it (thanks for the tips from Sam and Dean Winchester).
If the Ghost screams in pain (ghosts loath salt and iron,) set the ghost alight to remove them from their endless suffering in this world (also sets them free in the next one).
Appreciation Of Jeff GoldblumEdit
- The Ghost described Goldblum's performances as a combination ofEpisode #579:
- the muscularity of Brando
- the pathos of Streep
- and the musky sensuality of a pride of baboons.
- one person described sex with him as "Like being caught in a Fleshstorm with a 90% chance of Satisfaction".
HobbiesEdit
Goldblum enjoys meticulous grooming rituals and invented Metrosexuality, the practice of combining grooming with self emolation.
Added by PhantomDuck- Collecting bits of himself in the medicine cabinet.
Supernatural PowersEdit
- Usage of The Twitter
- Self-Eulogization
- Nancy Drew-like sluething abilities.
- Making Earth Girls Easy.
See AlsoEdit
- Law and Order: Criminal Intent, USA Network, Sundays 9:00PM/8:00PM Central, Characters Welcome.
- Jeff Goldblum
External TubesEdit
Please add more details so America can better judge The Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum's worthiness.
