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The Colbert Report/Episodes/Season2/May

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< The Colbert Report | Episodes | Season2

Season 2 (2006) MayEdit

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
88 May 1 Drug-Fueled Sex Crime Jon Meacham "It's May-Day, and I'm wrapping ribbons of truth around America's pole." 2056
Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Tip - Exxon for making the 5th largest profits by a corporation ever; Wag - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for allowing women in Iran to watch soccer games; Wag - Doonesbury for its portrayal of


89 May 2 Healthy Appetite Mike Huckabee "I bring you the unvarnished truth, though it's lightly stained and buffed with a Danish oil." 2057
Showed his audition tape for White House Press Secretary.


90 May 3 Name Game Paul Rieckhoff "When life gets you down, don't get mad... Get Stephen." 2058
Banned "my black friend Alan," sending him to "Alan Town," "where all my banned Alans go, including Alan Colmes, Alan Alda, Alan Franken, Alan Gore, and Alan, Woody," and downgraded Alan to "my black acquaintance Alan." Received a "personal bear deterrent" from Michael Chertoff. Stephen's Sound Advice: surviving high gas prices. Premieres a "special bonus to Better Know a District": "Betterer Know a District." The premiere: Rep. Phil Gingrey recalling lines from Gone with the Wind; Colbert replies to the clip, "As God as my witness, we will never show that clip again."


91 May 4 Indulgence Rick Reilly "We're holding our spring formal and my date is the truth. Tonight, we're going all the way." 2059
21st installment of "Better Know a District": Oregon's 3rd District, interviewing Rep. Earl Blumenauer, (D-OR).


92 May 8 Not Shere Hite "Due to my unauthorized spreading of the truth, I've been forced into the Witness Protection Program. This is the Silverman Reporte." 2060
Scolded the San Francisco Zoo for, as he perceived, having two male eagles raise Stephen, Jr. Threat Down: Salaries! (for housewives); There is no Threat #4!; The Pope! (for the Vatican permitting the use of condoms based on scientific study); The Geography Police! (for being alarmist in reporting the poor knowledge of geography in the American public); Bears! (They're back! A crossbreed between a grizzly and a polar bear found in Canada, the pizzly.) Introduces his "Condon'ts".


93 May 9 Superegomaniac Frank Rich "There are three doors; behind one is a tiger, another is the truth, and the last is a closet. Choose wisely." 2061
Movies That Are Destroying America (Summer Blockbuster Edition): An Inconvenient Truth ("Blame Humans First" agenda), Hoot (anti-development), Over the Hedge (instructional video for illegal immigrants), Mission: Impossible III, pronounced as "Miiii" (for giving out "our nation's spy secrets"), recommends Akeelah and the Bee.


94 May 10 Athletes Are Above The Law William Bastone "I'm a steamroller of truth, repaving the highway of the future. Expect delays." 2062
Premiered the Report's new report on the avian flu: "Death From Above: Bird Flu Is Going To Kill Everyone."
The 22nd edition of "Better Know a District," Nebraska's 2nd Congressional District, interviewing Rep. Lee Terry, (R-NE).


95 May 11 Fill 'Er Up Madeleine Albright (Inhales helium from a balloon) "This is The Colbert Report." 2063
Suggested to President Bartlet to pardon The A-Team before The West Wing goes off the air to "secure his TV president legacy." Colbert begins reselling a limited supply of Formula 401, for Russians only, in response to Russian President Vladimir Putin's efforts to increase Russia's fertility rate. Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: Wag - Huntsville, Alabama, school district for suspending students who paid a homeless man to walk the halls of their school without pants; Wag - U.S. Mint for announcing that it costs more to make pennies and nickels than they're worth (followed up with a suggestion to remove all currency and go back to trading in gold); Wag and Tip - Jesus for not putting enough detail in his latest "appearance" in a rock in Mexico, but at the same time testing Colbert's faith.


96 May 15 Lunchables Kevin Phillips "When I think about the truth, I touch myself. This is The Colbert Report!" 2064
Introduced a new service:
"Stephen Colbert's Executive Book Summary Summaries," summaries of summaries of executive books. A brand new "All You Need To Know" with Dick Cheney, Gen. Michael V. Hayden, immigration, hurricanes. "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard" - A man pulling a truck with his ear "as a solution to high gas prices."


97 May 16 Inoculation Tyson Slocum "Males aged 18-34 with disposable income, prepare to have your purchasing habits swayed." 2065
Mentioned his "Native American friend," "gay (in a way he can handle) friend," and "little person friend" (who was also his "Latino friend") and asked for applications to be his new "black friend." Revealed that the Colbert Report eagle is named "Liberty" (the one used in advertising, the logo, and the videos in the background, which is not his "son"). Placed his body parts on the auction block; his gall bladder was first to be sold, for $100.


98 May 17 Democrats Jonathan Alter "I'm America's Dairy Queen, giving you the soft serve news in a crunchy coating of opinion. Would you like Truth with that?" 2066
Condemned some leading Republican opponents of the border security plan for acting like Democrats; spurred by the success of the "Better Know a District" series, debuted the 43-part series "Better Know a President" with first installment Theodore Roosevelt.


99 May 18 Libya Ted Daeschler "I am The Walrus, Goo goo ka Truth." 2067
Colbert launches "Stephen Colbert's Guardian Eagles" to oversee prom week activities; first installment of "The Difference Makers."

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