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The Colbert Report/Episodes/Season2/March

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< The Colbert Report | Episodes | Season2

Season 2 (2006) MarchEdit

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
58 March 1 Faith Arianna Huffington "America, bend over and relax, you're about to get a Truthoscopic examination." 2026
The debut of a new segment, "Better Know a Founder." Stephen introduces the "Never Existed to Me" list, in which the first entry is California's 50th district, which had been represented by Randy "Duke" Cunningham. During the Huffington interview, when Stephen says he is 'Truthiness's father, to which she points out that Wikip*dia acknowledges him as not the father but who helped popularize it to which he replies "Fuck 'em."


59 March 2 Homo Sapien Agenda Jeffrey Sachs "And the Truth goes to... America!" 2027
Colbert (correctly) predicts the Academy Award winners in the 5 major categories using the DaColbert Code.


60 March 6 Spoiler Alert Bob Schieffer "What you're about to see contains graphic violence, adult situations and scenes of full frontal Truth." 2028
Bears absent from the Threat Down for the second week in a row. Colbert proposes to mate various blond celebrities to enhance their blondedness. Colbert boasts in an "I Called It" segment his correct predictions (with the DaColbert Code) for Oscar winners.


61 March 7 The Long War Norman Ornstein "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all, step right up and marvel at the exotic and the mysterious freak show. It walks, it talks, it crawls on its belly like a reptile. No photographs, no paper maché; it is... the Truth." 2029
"All You Need to Know" returns. Stephen implores Sir Benjamin Slade, a British man searching for an American heir, to give his estate to him.


62 March 8 Monopoly James H. Webb, Jr. "Focus on the spot on the wall and breath over the contractions. This truth's coming out head first." 2030
First appearance of "Stephen's Sound Advice." Stephen gives advice to Iraqis on how to fight a civil war.


63 March 9 D.I.Y. Lorraine Bracco "You're about to enter another dimension - a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of Truth. There's a signpost up ahead. Next stop, The Colbert Report." 2031
Part fifteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Linda Sanchez (D) of California's 39th congressional district.


64 March 13 Sidney Poitier Christopher Buckley "Never mind the bollocks, this is The Colbert Report!" 2032
The Colbert Report calls the 2008 United States presidential election in favor of Bill Frist, the first news show to do so. Colbert also predicts that a war will be waged against Iran by then.


65 March 14 Scapegoat Keith Olbermann "Light the lamp and put the biscuit in the basket, this is SportsCenter... Nope, this is The Colbert Report!" 2033
"Was It Really That Bad?" on the days before the rise of labor unions. Stephen shows a clip from his new documentary, "Hiphopketball 2: The Rejazzebration '06 Remix" featuring an appearance by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.


66 March 15 None of the Above Al Franken "Warmth is to sun as Truth is to me." 2034
Colbert takes credit for being "donor 401," a popular, but now-retired sperm donor.


67 March 16 Sweet Dreams Frank Vincent "I'm here to fight for justice and the American way. My weapon? The Truth!" 2035
Stephen reveals that he can fold his right ear into his head and that his "balls are waxed." Part 1 of "Better Know a Protectorate" with Rep. Donna Christian-Christensen (D) of the U.S. Virgin Islands district at large.


68 March 20 Stop It Connie Chung "From the creators of The Colbert Report, this is The Colbert Report." 2036
First instance where Colbert has removed items from his bookshelf. In this case, Jessica Simpson merchandise, in response to Simpson declining an offer to speak at a GOP fundraiser.


69 March 21 Eat It Steve Kroft "In Vino Veritas, and I am hammered!" 2037
Colbert considers Japan's victory in the World Baseball Classic a victory for the United States by proxy; performance reviews of staff members Bobby, Jimmy, and Killer are done on-air; Colbert corrects a number of factual errors from recent episodes during "the In-Box."


70 March 22 I am the Great and Powerful Oz Dan Senor "Truth hurts, and this is gonna be agonizing." 2038
Part sixteen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Brad Sherman (D) of California's 27th congressional district. A man delivers pizza for lunch. The episode is notable for the fact that the "The Wørd" segment did not air until the second "act" of the show.


71 March 23 None John Kasich "Mr. Stephen Colbert requests the pleasure of your company on the occasion of his latest television program." 2039
A Colbert Report Special Report: Home, Hearth, Heart & Heartland: A Return to Traditional Values. The normal theme music is replaced by Colbert on guitar and leading the audience in "This Land Is Your Land." Miss Manners appears as a special correspondent. Colbert gives "Stephen's Sound Advice" to parents on how to raise a hero. This is also the first episode in which a "The Wørd" segment does not appear.


72 March 27 Tense Gary Hart "In the future you will be able to inject this program directly into your eyeballs; the future is now!" 2040
Colbert halts his sperm merchant business due to excess demand.


73 March 28 Marketing Michael D. Brown "The world is a dirty place, and I'm America's lemon-scented wet nap." 2041
Colbert announces that the San Francisco Zoo is planning on naming a newborn bald eagle Stephen Jr. in his honor; Russ Lieber debates Colbert on the issue of school vouchers, and ends up confessing his love for "quadrapalegic gay men in wheel chairs, holding babies."


74 March 29 Merrier Bruce Bartlett "This isn't a bald spot, it's a solar panel on a Truth machine." 2042
Colbert predicts the Apocalypse because of a recent solar eclipse and endorses polygamy in "The Wørd". Part seventeen of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Adam Schiff (D) of California's 29th congressional district.


75 March 30 Fuck Robert Greenwald "It's the last show of March. I came in like a lion and I'm going out like a lamb-fed lion." 2043
Colbert updates journalist Jill Carroll on what's happened in the world while she was held captive. Women's History Month is celebrated by honoring Soledad O'Brien. Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: wag for giving the Templeton Prize to a scientist, tip to Canada, wag to Victor Willis. Colbert encourages viewers to download episodes of the show from the iTunes Music Store.

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